From the Bitter Beginning
by A Loving Fist
Summary: Redone, under the story title: Raise Your Glass.
1. The Things We'll Do

**The Things We'll Do...**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own ffx, ffx-2, or any thing else, though I do own the order in which these words are placed to make _my_ story, so I recommend no one takes it.

**A/N: **_Chapter Redone._

_When I left you, I was a chubby girl basking in a sea of goodbyes, I was a chubby girl who looked out at her friends and couldn't see you looking back. I was a lonely girl leaving everyone for a second chance that I called college. I was a lonely girl looking at her newlywed cousin, looking at her silver haired confidant, looking at her favorite couple, looking at your brother… and wondering where my best friend was._

_And that's when I started loosing faith._

The plane door opens. A rush of stale air blows my hair back around my neck and I inhale. My first Zanarkand hello, a requested compromise to start anew in the place I had hoped to leave behind.

Nearly two years have gone by since I last set foot on this sodden soil, I had allowed him to break my heart, something he shouldn't have allowed himself to do, if he considered himself a friend. Unfortunately he didn't care how much he tore at me, and while he played with the idea of goodbyes I was sitting in a fabric seat listening to the pilot bark commands over the loud speaker: "turbulence ahead."

I found solace on new home-ground. I no longer needed food to satisfy my thirst for respect. I had it… I had real friends, and that felt _amazing_. It felt as if I belonged, and I stopped eating a mountain for every molehill of personal insult. I learned to deal with life in rational ways, someone pissed me off I'd go work out. After boxing, I can deal with whatever coldhearted words you have regarding my return. I'm no longer the bag hanging from the rafters, and you're no longer in training.

Still, as I grab my luggage and head towards the depot your face still burns fresh wounds into my mind. I just want to know why I wasn't good enough for you, any of you. Why did you all hate me when I just wanted was to make a connection?

The bus comes to a stop in front of me. The driver flashes me a wry smile and a glance that seems to linger on an unexposed and forbidden region. He raises from his seat a bit too eagerly to help me with my bags, but nonetheless I smile and thank him.

There are only four passengers, an elderly lady who's reading an issue of the Zanarkand Local, and a young couple with a little boy. I smile despite myself. He really is cute, innocent, and definitely a future heart breaker. As much as I hate myself for doing so, I can't help but wonder if _you _looked just like him.

I decide to sit near the back. I like to watch the muddy roads pass by, a murky vision, yet when the snow falls like a blanket as fresh as the little boy across from me I feel like I might yet have my turn to become something beautiful. You said every snowflake is unique, no two are alike... large or small you once said they were all beautiful, why couldn't that concept have applied to women?

The bus gets stuck in the snow bank and the driver flashes me another of his wry smiles, "Sorry lady." The man shrugs, "looks like you'll have to walk from here."

I accept the news and reach for my luggage. Rikku and Gippal's house is hardly two blocks away. I could a walk in the nearly fresh winter breeze to clear my head. I trudge to and along their gate and up onto their marble steps. Rikku was always one for showing her wealth (well… technically Rikku had never earned a cent in her life, but she loved to show off her husbands dead uncle's wealth).

She was always ashamed of me, a member of her family yet plain and humble… and fat? In her world there couldn't have been anything worse. I was supposed to be beautiful, just like her. I was supposed to show, by what I wore, ate, did, and said, that I was like royalty, and that because my father was the high priest that I demanded respect.

Instead I shied away, letting others stomp over me and leave my broken remains in the gutter. I don't think that doll of myself will ever be repaired, but absence has the capability to glue the pieces together and make it possible to forgive, even if the scars remain.

I chime the brass handle against the mahogany wood as my bare arms let out an involuntary shiver. Minutes pass like ice-incised hours as I wait for her to answer. She doesn't, so again I pick up the brass handle.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

This time I hear a rushed male voice yelling at me to be patient, easy for them to say, they're probably all sitting around the fire exchanging jests about how they wish they had just one more second without my presence. Well, too bad

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Rikku stop doing you're makeup and answer the door." I yell out in pain. I'm not wearing a jacket, and a reddish tint has already appeared along my arms.

The door opens and my eyes connect with the blue orbs that have not ceased to roll around my head. I step inside and take off my shoes.

"Where's Rikku?" I ask.

"Hell if I know." Tidus replies, walking away from me.

"Well then where should I put my stuff?" I yell to him.

"Hell if I know." He echoes.

I grab the handle on my bag, disbelief hanging in the air like a soggy mist on an eerie night. Not even a hello had graced his lips, so why had I even hoped for "I'm sorry"?

"Just put you're stuff upstairs in an empty room." He hollers from the kitchen.

I discard my shoes and pace up the stairs my cold bare feet refusing to make a steady connection with the ground. I slip and my knee comes in sharp connection with the stone step, a hollow crack sounds throughout the large mansion.

"God Yuna, don't be so god damned clumsy all the time." Tidus returns and comes to grab my bag, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I mumble while holding onto my knee.

"Just a second, I'll take you're shit upstairs then come back to help you."

"I'm a big girl…"

"Not anymore you aren't. Haven't you been eating at all Yuna?" he teases.

"The point is I can help myself, Tidus." I get up and grab a tight hold on the banister before making my way to the room Rikku has set aside, not without, however, taking note of the way Tidus kept close behind me, as if willing me to fall just so he could prove himself right.

_Cocky bastard_.

"Here," He sets the bag down on the plush white bed, "I'll meet you downstairs. I suppose you're a big enough girl to take care of yourself from here out, hmm?"

"Yeah, whatever." I mumble back at him.

The door slams shut, and I'm grateful for the sudden change of atmosphere. When he's around me, I can't breath. It's like he has a tight grip over my lunges and seeing him after all this time has only tightened it.

He's not supposed to have control over me anymore… it's supposed to be different now.

Quickly my clothes seem to magically transfer from my bag to the drawers as my head rambles on about whether or not I'm still in love with him. He drives me wild… I'll give him that much, but is it because I hate him? Or am I still… will I always be…

…In love with Tidus?

The door bangs in repetition and I realize Tidus must be back, "I'm changing Tidus, come back later."

"Oh, okay…it's Rikku." She replies… "Good thing I didn't just walk in hmm Lenne? No one wants to see her naked… I'd have to shoot myself." Rikku laughs, apparently forgetting that I'm not deaf.

I turn back to the dressers, shifting through the drawers to find something more comfortable, yet esthetically pleasing. When they all see the new, thin me… I want them to love it. I want them to regret treating me like shit.

I finally settle on a black dress with straps as crimson as the wall of the room, and a white lace lower layer. Though the dress was cut short and low… it was still tasteful. And even if it weren't, I'd have every right to show off my body, although I'd rather not put up with Gippal and Shuyin's gawking.

I look out the window. A white curtain drapes from a golden bar connected to the roof down the wall to lie in excess on the wooden floor. I move towards it, shifting the silk fabric to the side, and once again watch the snow fall. Big and small, all of the icy droplets look beautiful against the now setting sun. It must be nearly eight o'clock.

Back in Bevelle it's just past five and the hot sun is still bombarding down over the church-tops and skyscrapers. Winter chill never plagued their sky, but I almost like it better this way. I hate the cold but when I sit here and really look around, I feel at peace.

"Yuna, what's taking you so long?" Rikku starts banging on the door, "I mean seriously, makeup can't hide a weight problem so stop trying!" she hollers as she pushes through the door, her jaw gapes, "I-hum…. Well people say mean things when they're aggravated!" she laughs, "Ready to go downstairs?"

"Just let me fix my hair… I had to walk from the bus stop down the block, so I'm a little frazzled."

"You wore that dress on the bus?" she exclaims.

I pace over to the oak vanity and begin to pin up my hair, leaving a few pieces down, "No Rikku." I grab my gloss, "I changed."

"Well... okay," She pauses, "Are you ready now?" her stiletto heel clicks against the floor. Her dress is white lace. Most likely something from the Shiva collection, and it clings like a child in need to her figure, "Well?"

"I'm ready." I roll my eyes, if it was her she'd be taking twice as long.

She grabs my wrist and yanks me towards the door. "Good…"

I race behind her down the stairs and around the corner to a second, steeper set of steps, which she drags me down in a rush.

"I thought you were a big girl now, Yuna?" Tidus laughs, I turn to him, taking note at the anorexic brunette on his lap…

Well not anorexic, but beautiful and exotic and … jealousy-inducing.

"So that's Yuna, Tidus?" the girl asks in an uninterested tone, "I thought she was fat?"

I blush and make my way to sit in an armchair away from the group, "She use to be, now just because she's skinny she thinks it's a good excuse to dress like a whore."

"What did you just say?" Lenne beats me to the punch, "Shuyin, walk over there and slug you're brother!"

"Why? It's true… she showed up in thirty below weather wearing a tank top and a tiny white skirt, you cannot tell me that's smart!"

"You expect me to wear snow-pants and a parka in Bevelle?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes, "You could've changed on the plane."

"Don't be such an ass." Lenne shoots back at him as Paine, Baralai, Wakka and Lulu walk down the stairs.

"Sorry we're late folks." Wakka smiles, waving a sack of presents in mid-air, "We had to drop off Vidina at his aunts, isn't that right Lu?"

Lulu nods and smiles in my direction. She was never part of the in crowd in high school… she was kind of gothic so they shunned her in the same way they did me, but Wakka saw something. Long story short they're married with a kid.

The four of them sit on a couch, hands together, feet entwined, it's like the six couples practically form a chain of sickening happiness… and here I am secluded away in my little armchair, only enough room for one lonely broken heart.

"So tell us about Bevelle." Lenne smiles, though I know she's not really that interested, "Got a boyfriend back there… you're so pretty now I'd be amazed if the answer was no!"

I took a second to consider my answer. Truthfully, I didn't think it would be fair to date back in Bevelle, not when my heart was so sickly attached to the blonde haired boy across the room. No, I had remained single, "I had a lot of friends, but I don't have a boyfriend at the moment."

"Oh my god, really? You should let me and Lennie set you up!" Rikku exclaims. I had a feeling it would come to this.

"Oh, she just got back here Rikku. Let her settle, will you?" Paine barks.

"Who'd want to go out with her anyways?" I dig my fingernails into the armchair. Gippal may think that's funny…

A few laughs echo in reply…

Rikku, Tidus, Shuyin… and that whore may think it's funny… but if they were in my position for one second…

The lump of nerves in my stomach seems to rise up into my throat. I blink back the tears that are threatening me, telling me they're going to escape and that they're going to flee down my cheeks and prove them all right.

I get up, slowly. Turn on the heal of my shoe and step one by one faster until it turns into a running march up the stairs and to my room. I shove the door shut in a wall shaking slam.

I wasn't going to be their victim… not this time.

* * *

The room went silent, dead silent. I knew we had gone too far. _I_ had gone too far…

But what did she expect? She just left and I'm supposed to greet her back into my arms with a smile? She was supposed to stay, be here for me at the very least! Dealing with Adrianna and her in one week was just too much…

Adrianna was and still is the love of my life. But I had to let her go… I wouldn't be able to respect myself if I hadn't. But when Dona came sauntering into my life, walking along with those legs that seemed to go on for miles and miles…. Well… I forgot about Adrianna, but not about Yuna…

"GO apologize you jerk!" Lenne stood up and glared at me.

"Gippal…" I interject.

"Tidus get you're ass up there… NOW! I don't give a fuck damn what Gippal did and didn't do, it's you're fault that Yuna's in a bad place right now! She comes back beautiful a completely changed person and all you can do is disrespect her? Don't you think she's had enough?"

"I'll do it, alright? Just calm down Lenne." I say, helping Dona off my lap.

"But Tidy…"

"I'll be back soon babe." I kiss her on the cheek before moving towards the stairs.

"You'll better not be a jerk about it!" she yells at me as I travel … and keep traveling until I reach the door to Yuna's room.

The light is on, and I can see a long shadow extending into the hall…

I hear the door handle click as I open it to reveal her tear-stained face.

"I'm sorry…"


	2. And The Things We'll Say

**And The Things we'll Say...**

**Disclaimer Applies**

**Yuna…**

I looked up at him, pleading for something that I knew he wasn't about to offer. I don't know why I even said it. I'm just a foolish little girl wanting him to accept me, wanting them all to accept me, and it's never going to happen, so why do I bother?

He runs a strong hand through his messy blonde locks, looking down at the ground as if concentrating on an invisible stain, "Don't say that."

I open and close my mouth in hesitation, "Then what should I say?"

"Don't say anything?" he suggests as I feel the spot on the mattress beside me sink; I look over to see him looking at me. "I've been a jerk, and _I'm_ sorry."

"I should've..."

"I should've called..." he finishes the sentence before me, and smirks, "I should've come to the airport, but I didn't... and I know Rikku told you I forgot… it was a lie. I didn't know how to say good-by. I'm not good at those things."

I uncross and stretch out my legs to look down at my tiny little toes, not chubby, not average, but tiny, "What happened, to us...?"

I hear him groan, "Nothing happened to us... you were always the same, Yuna. You were there and I took advantage of it. Just like you said, we stabbed you in the back. I didn't expect you to leave. I mean you were…you'll always be my best friend. I was scared, Yuna."

I nod before standing up, "are you going to help me with my luggage?"

"You're still leaving?" he says looking more shocked then I thought he'd be.

"Yeah Tidus, I can't just stay here. I can't go through this again. I was happy in Bevelle and I think coming back was a mistake."

"Please don't say that, Yuna." He begs, "Let me make everything up to you?"

"It's just that..." I feel my heart beginning to pound as he decreases the space between us, "don't..." I whispered as he pulls me closer to his chest.

"DON'T!" I push him away and back towards the closet doors, "Tidus, why can't you let me leave?" I say as my eyes sting with the beginnings of fresh tears, "You know that with a few words, I'll stay! I told you that the last time we talked..."

"Yuna, I'm proposing to Dona tonight, and I can't say those words... I can't because we're friends. I want to make you happy, but I can't lie. Do you really want me to lie to you?"

"You're..."

"Yeah, me and Dona, _not_ me and you. I'm sorry, Yuna. I really am, but we could never work out." His words hurt more than I anticipate he meant them too, I really want to, but I won't cry in front of him.

"We never tried. You were never attracted to me."

"Yuna, you're a beautiful girl, you know that."

"I'm beautiful now, sure... but I wasn't so beautiful back then was I? And that's exactly why you wouldn't give us a chance! Because you're so shallow!"

"Yuna, don't do this, please? You know how much I wish everything could have been different. It has nothing to do with how you looked back then!"

"You're as bad as your old man!" I scream back at him, "God, you are your old man." My tone changes from angry to perky, it's so ridiculously true that I feel like laughing. "You're just like, Jecht, Tidus. You are just like your old man." I say, intentionally trying to hurt him.

"Fuck you, Yuna!" he says as he backs towards the door, "I want to fix things between us, but it's just too hard with you! Stay, leave, I don't care anymore!"

"You never cared!" I yell back at him but only reach the door that has swung into his position, I was alone... _again_.

**Tidus…**

I lean against her door, holding my head in my hands. I want to cry... I want to throw something at it. I want to go back in there and shake some sense into her... but maybe she was right.

_Am I really like Jecht? Am I really that kind of guy...?_

Okay, so she was right about the shallow thing. I didn't even give her a second look back then, and truth be told when she came down stairs today she was beautiful, _more beautiful than anyone in the world_. She was glowing, inside and out. I acted like an ass and this time she actually called me on it, she would never have done that before. Yuna, would've just taken it, it's amazing how everything has changed her.

I hear faint sobs coming from beyond the door. I want to go check up on her, I want to hug her and tell her that maybe we can work this out; maybe we can still be friends. I want to convince her that she doesn't love me. I want to convince her that she never did, that she doesn't know what she feels.

_One second she hates me, the next it's love..._

The last time we talked was at Rikku's wedding. She told me she was leaving, I laughed. I didn't think that I needed _her_! I had a hot girl on my arm and all the money in the world, what use is a best friend? That day... she told me that if I loved her at all... in any way, that I should tell her. I didn't love her as more than a friend, and I still don't… I don't think. Sure, I'm very... _very_ attracted to her _now_. Back then she was beautiful, I just didn't realize it.

She tried so hard to impress everyone, especially me. When we first met we were tots. She wasn't fat or thin. She was average. She still has the same sparkling blue and green eyes. I had a crush on her back then. I didn't take into account all the other factors...hell I was five and she thought boys had cooties.

And throughout school we were always close. She and I would go camping in our backyards on Saturday nights, until I grew out of that stage; I was too good for it. We all were, and we left her behind. I feel guilty about ditching her but I'm sure she's found solace in Bevelle. She's probably _had her share of men, too_. I don't know why but just the thought of her playing a billion guys over there is making me feel uncomfortable. Maybe she doesn't really love me... maybe she has some sick plan to hurt me, well it isn't going to work.

The door slams and I look into her puffy, red, bi-colored eyes before grabbing her arm. I want to say something... anything to make her stay, because she has to. She has to stay and she has to figure out her problems, she can't keep running.

"Let me go, Tidus." Her voice is weak and cracking, "Let me go!"

"Yuna just stay. We can work this out." I say, loosening my grip, "Please... I love you as a friend... and I am so sorry. I can't help it if that's the way I feel."

Slowly she wraps her arms around my neck and I can feel tears wetting my shoulder, cautiously I wrap her in my own arms. I knew she couldn't leave _again_. "I have to accept that I can't make you feel the same way." She says quietly, "But I _do_ want to be your friend."

"Then Let's go downstairs and join the crowd, ok?" I ask, drawing away from her. I always knew she was shorter than me, but not by this much... it's cute.

**Yuna…**

The room was silent when Tidus and I reentered. I could tell they were pretty ashamed... I know it's bad but I feel like gloating. Tidus sits back down beside Dona and kisses her sweetly. I don't know where to sit... everyone is coupled up. Rikku and Gippal: married, Lulu and Wakka: married with child, Paine and Baralai: Dating, Lenne and Shuyin: Engaged, Tidus and Dona: almost engaged.

"You know Yuna... we are all really sorry." Lulu says while giving my hand a quick squeeze. "We didn't really mean it, but old habits die hard."

"It's ok." I say before sitting back down with the group.

"How about we each open one present tonight?" Tidus asks with a smile, I know exactly what he has planed.

"Only one?" Rikku complains.

"If you open them all then there wouldn't be any Christmas surprise would there?" Gippal teases her, I feel like vomiting.

"Yea but... can't _I_ just open two?" she smiles, reminding me of a child.

"I have one for Dona..." Tidus interrupts their squabbling and retrieves a box from his pocket.

He kneels on the floor,

I close my eyes. I turn away. I tune out.

This cannot be happening.


	3. Was It Never Meant To Be?

**Was It Never Meant To Be...?**

**Disclaimer applies.**

**Tidus…**

Nightfall creeps like a burglar onto the party. Booming within the depths of the gathering we were all here for one reason: to celebrate marriage. Celebrate, or cringe at the very idea. Three months ago, I was sure… more than sure that this was what I wanted, but now I look at everyone's faces smiling up at the two of us, there's only one person missing.

I don't know what I feel as her cold and sticky lips press against my cheek, but I do know that it's not love, or even passion. What I feel… what I feel is nothing. A void where something use to be, something that would make my heart melt for her smile, something that deserves a far better explanation than anything I am capable of giving. Am I falling out of love… was I ever even in love? It's sad that on the day of my engagement party I can't help but ask these questions, knowing perfectly well that this is more than just a case of cold feet.

"A toast to the happy couple!" my drunken father raises his near-empty champagne glass, "And to the many years of misery yet to come!"

"He-rah!" the crowd cheers awkwardly before clinking their glasses. I search them again, looking for a familiar pair of miss-matched eyes.

"I'd just like to say how honestly happy I am you could all make it!" Dona says before raising her own half-filled flute. "It means so much to me! Tuesday shall be the happiest day of my life if only half of you show up!"

_How happy **I** am…_

_It means so much to **me**…_

_Tuesday shall be the happiest day of **my** life…_

Are we not a couple? Isn't it _our_ day? Isn't this celebration for the two of us? Sometimes I feel like I'm just here to say my I do and that's it. It's just about the celebration, not the happily ever after…not the love. I don't even believe she cares about me, just an assumed promise of material possessions and fame.

I feel callused fingertips rubbing against my scalp as I wipe blond tresses from my eyes. A door at the end of the hallway swooshes open, and there in the midst of a crowd is Yuna wearing a short pink dress and black shall. It looks…well quite honestly it looks nothing short of amazing.

The entire room seems to turn and face her. She smiles weakly in their wake. I can tell she's feeling shy. She has always hated being the center of attention, "Sorry I'm late… I had _another_ interview." She speaks after approaching my table

"How did it go?" I ask, faintly noticing the glare in my fiancé's eyes.

"Uhmm…" she hesitates, "I'll tell you about it later, Tidus."

"Oh… ok." I shuffle my feet and watch as Shuyin takes her to his table with him, Lenne and the group.

I get up and walk towards the table, almost completely forgetting about Dona… but that would be hard to do especially considering all the makeup she wears. Hell, I could see her from _miles_ away.

"Long time no talk." I smirk as I approach my steady group of friends. Well at least before Yuna came back, but Dona has a problem with Yuna. Dona says I should adopt her friends. Dona thinks her friends are just to die for and mine are what? Chopped liver?

"You could say that. No time for your brother anymore?" Shuyin jokes while nudging my shoulder lightly.

"Hardly, Dona has me running all sorts of stupid wedding errands." I joke about it, but the truth is she won't let me plan a thing. When I asked… she let me choose out of two flower arrangements then yelled at me when I chose the carnations, '_You're supposed to choose the roses Tidus! **God** you're **so **unromantic'_.

"Well it's probably just wedding fever. Lenne gets the same way!"

"And that's why we have had such a long engagement to make sure everything is perfect." She agrees and proceeds to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I just want to get it over with." I mumble incoherently.

"So we're on for tonight right?" Gippal inquires.

"Hell yea, we'll hit every club in the…." Shuyin stops as Lenne gives him a dirty look, "Country club that is…"

"You boys better be good, or else Lenne, Yunie and I, will kick your butts!" Rikku says while glaring at her husband.

"Don't worry, you're the only one for me sugarplum."

"Sugar plum…?" Paine smirks.

"We're married. We're allowed to have silly nicknames." Rikku replies.

"Aren't you two exited?" Paine gives Shuyin and me a fleeting and sarcastic grin.

"Oh so _very_ exited" Shuyin rolls his eyes before shoving a chair towards me.

"You're having a bachelor party tonight?" Yuna asks, bored.

"Yap, strip clubs galore."

"Oh… well don't go anywhere too exotic…" she smiles faintly and begins playing with her napkin, "I have a phone call to make, excuse me."

"Hurry back Yunie!" Rikku yells to her.

"What's eating her?" Paine asks soon after our companion disappears behind the corner.

"I don't know…" Lenne's face is empty as her voice sinks.

"What's been going on with her lately?" I ask and a few people shuffle uncomfortably.

"The usual." Rikku replies, "But, now that I think about it, she has been looking around for an apartment."

"But she doesn't have a job yet, does she?" I look around the table,

Shuyin shrugs his shoulders, "Maybe her dad is helping her out?"

"I seriously doubt that Shuyin!" Lulu snaps in her usual harsh tone, "Her dad and her haven't talked for years."

"I remember that day when she was fifteen. She came over to my house crying, she had a black eye... and since then she's been on her own." A sad smile traces a few faces and an awkward silence settles over the group.

"I really missed her when she was gone, you know?" Wakka crosses his arms, "it was kind of… weird, without her. Ya?"

"Kind of like it is now?" Paine replies.

"A little." I laugh and look over to Dona who is approaching in her usual strut.

Girls in high school use to do that walk. We all use to fall for it too. The rhythm was memorizing. It use to be that if you weren't straight, it would turn you straight, _Hell_ I think it could turn a few girls. But now that I see this same walk, this same routine over and over again, I realize just how cliché it is… I'd give anything to see her trip and fall. It must make me sound mean… but it's so true.

"Bayh-Bee!" she rests her arms around my neck, "I've been looking all over for you!"

"Yes...?"

"Well where did you disappear to? I missed you! I was so lonely with all _my _boring friends at the head table."

"Just catching up with everyone. Want a seat?" I pull out her chair."

"Sure…" she takes one on my lap instead. "Where's that… Luna girl?" she snarls.

"It's Yuna… and she has been gone for quite awhile… hasn't she?" Rikku replies.

There's another awkward pause as a few of us nod, "I'll go look for her. I don't have a good feeling about this…" I help Dona off my lap. "I'll be back soon."

"Tiidusss…" she wines but I pretend not to hear, something about the look Yuna had worn earlier hadn't settled with me, something strange was happening with her.

**Yuna…**

The keys are cold in my hand and I press them into my car lock. It clicks open. I sigh and turn the handle. Things are so complicated right now. All I've wanted to do since I got here is cry. I don't know why I'm always the one on the short end of the stick, all of my friends are in love, and they all have each other. _Who do I have? What do I have?_ I always thought that I could change, make everyone love me… _make him love me?_ But even now, after everything I've tried, after everything I sacrificed! Now where am I? Back where I started.

I turn on my engine and slide into my seat, the radio blasts on and I hear the romantic lyrics float through my ears before I shut it off. I don't need some sappy love song. I don't need it to remind me of my stupid, boring, ordinary, single, life. A life with pain, a life I just don't want to live right now. I want to crawl out of this shell that is suffocating me; I want to be a butterfly. I want to be beautiful, delicate, colorful, and… loved.

_Now who doesn't love a butterfly?_

I'm still in my cocoon. Bevelle was my cocoon. Now I'm home and it's my time to break free. I don't need Tidus. I don't need a boyfriend…

_Who am I kidding?_

_Do I need love?_

Yes.

_No!_

I don't need it, and from this moment on I swear that I will never return to this state. I swear I will never express whatever feelings I have left for Tidus, and I swear that I will never, ever, let _them_ take advantage of me.

I've been planning this for a while, my leave of absence. I found a job. I found a place. Now all I need is willpower. Hell! If I can loose over fifty pounds I can definitely fix my past mistakes, and I can definitely take back my life, and heart.

I shift gears just as I see Tidus running out of the building. His eyes lock with mine and I continue to back up, turn left and leave. I have just broken out of my cocoon. Watch me fly away.

**Tidus…**

She left. She just… left. She just backed up…and left. One of the biggest days of my life and she leaves me here? She leaves me…_my best friend_… leaves me? I feel so fucking retarded right now. My brain isn't even functioning properly. All I feel is pain coursing through my limbs, I feel empty. I feel… cold… hurt… and rejected.

_But wasn't I the one who rejected her?_

True, but I didn't love her… I don't love her. I can't love her, ever.

Why? Why can't I love Yuna as more than a friend? She's beautiful, smart, nice, amazing, everything about her is perfect! I just don't think I could ever feel that way about her, unless that's how I already feel? No…

I keep saying that it's not possible, but how do I really know that? Maybe all this time, from the very beginning I have loved her, I mean… it would make sense. I've never felt this way about anyone, but this is and always has been just friendship, right?

I guess it doesn't matter now. All that matters is this damned wedding. On Tuesday I'll be at the alter saying my I do to a girl who thinks I still love her, but I don't. I haven't felt anything for her in a long, long time, but I can't call it off because it's expected of me. That's the only answer that makes any sense. Why marry someone who seems to only want me for my money and fame?

I don't think I can trust anyone… except maybe Yuna.

**Yuna… **

The key doesn't slide into place easily, and it doesn't turn with a click, I have to push and jam just to open the damned thing. At least it's my door knob, and it may sound a little silly, but I love it. It's mine… all _mine_. My own apartment knob, on my own apartment door, and it leads to my own apartment. Well, maybe it's not all mine… I have a roommate though I doubt he'll be home most of the time. He's some rich business man, I only met him once but just for that brief interview he was dressed in a suit.

The apartment is quiet, the walls are painted a dark auburn and there are two rooms a bath and a kitchen-living room split. I put my bags in the room he showed me last week, it's painted a light, cloudy blue. There's a bed, a dresser, a closet, a window, and a mirror. Nothing special but it's all mine.

And having my own possessions is the first step towards living my own life.

**Tidus…**

"You have got to be kidding me… she just got up and left? What's wrong with her?" Rikku asks frantically.

"Is she crazy?" Gippal runs tired hands through his golden hair, "She doesn't even have a job… or maybe she lied to us about that too?"

Paine sighs, "Why do you guys even care? This is her life… and maybe she wants to start over? It's not like any of us ever made it any easier for her!"

"Hey, I have tried to make everything better, I've been trying to make everything up to her but she keeps shutting me out!" Lenne protests, "I don't know how she could just ditch us all."

"I agree with Paine." Lulu interjects, "I mean really… maybe Yuna just wants to start over? Doesn't she deserve that much?"

"I'm bored of all this talk of Yuna, let her do what she wants." Dona murmurs into my ear while wrapping her tentacle-like arms around my neck, "I, for one, am not going to let her disappearance ruin my wedding."

"I'm not going through with this unless she's here." I say, pulling away so I can look up at Dona's angry eyes.

"What? Oh come on are you just going to wait around forever? Give it up Tidus, she's crazy, insane… completely out of it! She's not even fit to be your friend."

"Dona, I'm serious, don't talk about her that way."

"You're so overprotective. You should be worrying more about the wedding than your unstable best friend."

"She's completely stable, Dona. She's just confused that's all."

"You don't actually believe that."

"Maybe we should go… I don't want to be here when you guys are fighting." Rikku makes a grab for Gippal's hand.

"We're not fighting." Dona and I say in unison.

"We're having a civil discussion." She smiles, bearing her teeth wider than needed, "But I'm not putting off the wedding."

"Then there's not going to be a wedding." I say, biting my tongue.

"Are you breaking up with me Tidus?" her voice has a dangerous undertone and I fight.

"I don't see a point in staying together if you can't respect me enough to know that I'm serious about waiting for her."

"Tidus!" she hollers, "I can't believe you!"

"No, Dona… I can't believe you. Not everything is about your fucking life, your friends, and your future. It was supposed to be _our_ future."

"Oh my god," She snarls. "You're being such a jerk!"

"Guess that's too bad."

"It's over!"

"I think we've already established that." I smirk, and she gasps, turns on her heal, and marches back into the main room.

Now,_ that _was an adrenaline rush.


	4. I'll fly across the sea

**I'll Fly Across the Sea…**

**Disclaimer Applies.**

**Yuna…**

"One date?" He pleads as I scrub our dishes in our sink, my roommate, a good guy, nice, caring, rich, handsome in his _own _way, and yet… not _right_. Not _Tidus right_ anyway…

"I hardly know you, and we live together! Everything would get so awkward, and I don't want to explain it again, I don't date." I say with an apologetic smile, his own drops, I feel bad… but I have to keep the promise I made to myself.

"So what? The highlight of your life will be… getting the perfect job? The moment you die? What's life without love Yuna?"

"Maybe I'll adopt a little girl…" I think aloud, "I could watch her fall in love, do you think I'd be a good mother?"

"To my child? Yes…"

"Come off it!"

"Please Yuna? Just let me take you out to dinner?"

"Nope."

"A movie?"

"Nope."

"Anything… everything, whatever you want! Just give me a chance!"

"Nope."

"Fine… fine." He trails back into our living room and flips on the TV. Blitzball… the Abes are winning against the goers, Tidus is on the TV screen playing far from his best but still managing to steal the spotlight. He just doesn't seem to play the way he did back in high school… he had more passion then.

"So, you enjoy blitz?" I ask casually.

"Yeah, but I hate some of the pretty boys they got playing on those teams. It's an image market wherever you go."

"Some of them have talent."

"Well certainly… but there are better."

"I don't know, number thirteen is pretty good."

"Tidus? Ahaha… what a pretty boy!" I scowl, _he's more than that_, "got a celebrity crush have you? Ice queen Yuna and a little crush, cute."

"No, but he has talent… just look at the way he moves through the water!" I say bitterly and sit down beside Seymour, "I went to high school with him, and we use to be friends." This is the most I've divulged since moving in.

"Care to elaborate?" he **boldly** asks.

"Nope."

"I see… Yuna has secrets."

"It's not important… but I am tired, I got work tomorrow!"

"So that's when you start at the cafe?"

"Yup."

"Excited?"

"Course… you know what Seymour?"

"What?"

I looked into his grey eyes, he smirked at me… he really seems nice, _nicer than Tidus_. I don't think he'd hurt me the way Tidus did… and just because I was broken by one guy… one time… does that really mean that I should set myself off of guys forever?

"I'll think about going on a date, okay?"

**Lenne…**

Parchment lies waiting beneath my fingertips. Yuna had written to me, _just me_, right before she left. And now I know how to solve all of Tidus' needs, but I can't bear to give it to him. I don't have the heart to help him back into her life. It would certainly make him happy, but how would Yuna feel? He just keeps controlling her emotions! He claims to love her now. _Love_, psht. He doesn't know the first thing about love!

He 'loved' Dona too, and then there was Chariest, and Camille, and who could forget Adrianna? He was dating her back when Yuna left. They dated for years, she was nice… but not to Yuna. I really think that's part of the reason she split. Adrianna spent her time harassing Yuna. Right in front of everyone too, no one spoke up… not even Tidus, he laughed amongst the rest of them. I always kept a straight face. I never thought it was funny. I even approached her once about it. She even had the nerve to tell me to back off.

I didn't even pity her when she got knocked up, but _oh_… not by Tidus? Right then and there he ended things. That happened the day he finished his first season with the Abes. He mopped around for a bit, didn't talk to any of us for weeks. And after not hearing from him for almost a month he called Shuyin. They talked for hours and I 'overheard' them mention Yuna's name more than once.

All this makes me suspect he's just using her as a rebound. I think he always thought he could fall back on the hope that she'd always be there to hold him on that shiny golden pedestal in her heart. But right now she's gone, and I couldn't be happier. She's been my best, most understanding friend through everything. If I could I would take away every tear Tidus or anyone has ever made her cry! I can't so at least I can help her hide from him.

Shuyin knocks on our bedroom door and I hastily glue the number inside my dairy and shut it tight. He comes in and smiles at me brightly. He moves to my side and kneels down on the floor.

"Lenne, how about we get married in three weeks, there's an opening at the La Vow." his tone is full of child-like excitement and I can't help but laugh.

"Do you think Yuna will turn up by then?"

"She better, we can't get married without her! For gods sakes she's your maid of honor, but I was wondering…"

"What?" I ask suspiciously.

"Since Tidus is so heart broken over her leaving, I was hoping-- maybe we could sort of _help him out_?"

"Set him up with someone new?" I ask with feeble hope.

"No, no just… let's get those two together, she'll be here for our wedding, right? I mean she promised you, didn't she?"

"That was a long time ago you never know…"

"Well, anyways, those two belong together so… let's just help out _a little_?" he pleaded with me and gave me that charming, irresistibly charismatic and impish grin.

_How could I resist?_

**Tidus…**

The clock ticked on the wall, I'm counting each and every passing second since I woke up to the point in time I go to sleep, if I go to sleep. I haven't eaten, answered the phone, or watched TV. I've barely taken a breath and I haven't moved from my spot on the couch for over an hour.

This is exactly how I've been spending the last week and a half. Everyday I've waited. For a call, a letter, an email… anything to know that she's doing alright. _Anything…_

I'm such an asshole. I really deserve to die. I've been replaying our lives together and the time we spent apart in my head. It just seems so… wrong. I remember the smile on her face when she was thirteen after I had taught her how to ride her first bike. Yeah, thirteen, she didn't' learn earlier because her father, the bastard that he was, believed bikes were against the natural order of things.

He is and always has been an extreme follower of Yevon, he's use to even scold her when she was younger for showing even the slight interest in machinery. She started eating away her problems, and by the time she was fifteen… everyone acted ashamed to be seen with her, I'm not one to talk. I'm ashamed that I played along with everyone, but it was important to be seen as _'cool'_. Hanging with Yuna just wasn't…_'cool'_.

Now my father, on the other hand, was a drunken bastard. He never touched me though, just my mom. She use to cry herself to sleep at night and I use pray to god that in the morning someone would find him dead in the gutter, he's come a long way since I was young though, I think my mom leaving was the last straw…

But I'll never forget the look in her eyes that night when she kissed me goodnight for the last time.

_I had never seen anger so raw…_

And even though she left Shuyin and me to be the target of his abuse I'm glad she got away, I'd give my life for her.


	5. And You Might Think I'm Crazy

**And You Might Think I'm Crazy…**

**Lenne's POV**

The gang gathered around our apartment, chilling out and drinking... Tidus' considerably good mood was brought on by the news that maybe, just maybe his best friend would reappear in the next month. However, his good mood was nothing compared to the childish glint in Gippal's eyes. He and Rikku had been smiling over something all night…

The phone rang and Shuyin snatches it up quickly, he nods and throws it across to me, nearly causing me to drop my drink, "Hello?" I ask as I sit the drink back on the table.

"Hey Lenne…" my blood froze, is it Yuna? Why would she call and risk someone else answering?

"How are you?" I ask while retreating to the kitchen, "Do you need money?"

"No, no… I need some advice though!" she sounds happy, I can even hear her suppressing a giggle.

"Well how can I help?" I ask while flicking through the cupboard. Everyone seems to be getting hungry.

"I have a date! Can you believe it!"

"Uhm…ya?" I say slowly, "You're a very attractive girl."

"Well I don't know what to do or say or… well I'm really not experienced in this sort of thing, I mean… I spent so much time waiting for Tidus I never really got out much!" she laughs.

"Yeah, I know, well just be yourself." I say, her smile is beginning to catch on, "Oh and by the way, are you coming to my wedding?"

"Of course! I promised you Lenne! I keep my promises." She pauses for a second, "And besides I may have a date."

"O lala…" I laugh, "Well if he doesn't treat you right I'll beat him up."

"You could totally take him." She laughs, "But when's the rehearsal dinner, and what not?"

"The rehearsal is next Thursday night, and the wedding is on Friday."

"Okay… and do you want me to come for a fitting of any sort?"

"OH yeah!" I laugh, "Thursday, be at the apartment round noon, okay?"

"I'll be sure to make it."

"I love you Lenne."

"Love you to Yun…" at that second my eyes lock onto the cerulean orbs staring back at me from the doorway.

"Are you there?" her voice echo's from the phone and I turn away from the man in the corner, now looking at me with disbelief.

"Yeah, I'll see you Wednesday."

"Bye." She hung up the phone, and I turn back to Tidus.

He stares at me for a second, trying to register what exactly I had been doing, "Was that really her?" he asks slowly, all I could do was nod, "Is she all right? Is she safe?"

"She's fine…" I say slowly walking towards the door at the opposite side of the kitchen, "You'll be able to ask her yourself Thursday."

"Lenne don't walk away from me!" he nearly shouts in a horse voice, "Do you know how long I've been waiting to talk to her? How worried I am? Don't you even care?"

"What I care about…" I try to control my voice, "Is her happiness, don't go playing with her again Tidus… or so help me…"

"I'm not trying to play with her!" He lets out a frustrated scream, "I miss her and I need to know she's all right, can't you understand?"

"Don't yell at me" I turn and walk through the door, straight into Shuyin who holds my arms briefly before tracing back into the kitchen.

I don't care about what they have to talk about. All I want to do is sleep. I feel terrible, for hiding everything, for getting caught, and most of all for making it possible for Tidus to see her again. I don't want her to keep getting hurt. Not when everything is going so well for everyone else… why does she have to be punished? What did she _do_?

**Yuna's POV**

The date was going smoothly. Seymour was charming and handsome in his Armani suit. He kept saying the right things, smiling the right way, ordering the most delectable dishes and when it came time for the check to come he paid in full. I felt like a queen in his presence, he had even brought me roses before he came home to get ready. _Two_ dozen roses.

And as we finally arrived back at are apartment door, he kissed me like a gentleman should and lead me back into our apartment where he wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me again.

"Yuna" he says, the sweet smell of the wine we had shared still lingering on his breath, "Do you believe we have a connection?" he pulls away and traces to the kitchen where he begins to fix us both drinks.

I knew we had had a bit much but I accepted anyway, "Thank you." I mutter politely.

"I believe we have a deep connection Yuna." he faces me without wondering eyes, "I accepted your application to be my room mate because of it. And when we talk…" he brought my hand to his lips, kissing it gently, "when we talk it's never awkward, I could talk to you forever. And as foolish as this may sound, I think I have fallen in love with you."

I pulled my hand away, I didn't mean it to be insulting to him… but he was scaring me. This was a first date, he lived with me… there were so many reasons I couldn't accept the words he was saying. But the biggest reason was I still couldn't accept being with anyone other than Tidus, it wouldn't be fair for him or myself.

"Yuna, I want you." He said putting down his drink as I finished mine off.

I shook my head, "You're just drunk…"

"I am not drunk." He says stepping closer to me.

"Well…" I continue shaking my head as I step further away from him allowing the couch to separate us, "I am, and I-I cannot process this. Perhaps, we should talk in the morning?"

"No, we can talk about it now Yuna." He says, stepping closer, "You owe me this."

I step away from him and scramble towards my room, I'm not comfortable being here with him, especially not under the influence, I believe it's best I pack my things and head to Lenne's for the night.

"Yuna." His head rests against the frame of my door, and another drink graces his fingers. "Come here… don't be shy."

"I should be leaving Seymour."

"No! No… don't go." He paces towards me in a drunken stride, "Come here."

"Seymour please, we'll talk in the mo…" he grabs me around the waste and I push him away, "You're drunk, go to bed."

"Only if you come with me." He grabs my wrist and again I pull away, "Don't be a tease, Yuna."

"I don't want to be around you right now." He pushes me and I fall, my head cracks on the end table beside my bed, I can feel the blood rushing over my brow.

His hands enclose my wrists and he pulls me up, as I dig my heals into the carpet, "Come on to my room Yuna."

"No! Seymour stop!" I cry.

"Fine! If you don't want to do this the easy way than that's your choice." He pulls me up by the wrists and shoves me towards the bed.

"Let me leave!"

He rushes to the door behind me, and I chide myself for not running sooner, it slams, the lights go dark.

I close my eyes and curse myself for running away. Tidus would never hurt me like this.

* * *

**A/N: **_I just recently redid this ending, from we can talk about this in the morning on._


	6. Because I Beleive All Your Lies

**Because I Believe All Your Lies…**

**A/n: The last chapter has been redone. You should read it before you read this. And slowly I will be redoing the entire story, not completely, just fixing sentence structure and grammar. I am also going to change the title. **

**Yuna…**

It was intensely cold as the morning crept upon our silhouettes clothed only by the thinnest sheet of cotton. I could see my breath in the air as vivid as the harsh touch of his callused fingers resting in the breaches of my mind. Though a hangover blurred my vision, I could still clearly see the clock showing off its neon numbers, it was just barely four.

I just wanted it all to go away. I just wanted it to all stop. _Just stop_. However, the chances of time reversing just for me were slim to none. I would have to deal with the situation at hand. The first thing I had to do with was getting out from under his weight. It was suppressing my breaths, keeping all my fears, my anger, my annoyance, and my suspicion in a cage around me.

I nudge his shoulder to the side and he rolls away from me, taking the cloth with him. I am exposed to the chilled air, but that doesn't matter now. I just have to get out. So I hold my arms over my chest as I creep into my room, my waitress uniform hangs over the armchair in one corner, but I decide to leave it there. I don't want to go back to work today. I want to get back to the place I was when I decided to run away. At least then I had friends, and family… and I was safe with them.

I begin looking through my drawers, settling on a pair of jeans and a tank top to wear beneath my zip up sweater. I tie my tresses back with a clip and swiftly begin stuffing things into a suitcase. The atmosphere is quiet enough for me to hear my captor's wistful and sickly fulfilled sighs. I hate him so much… and I had thought he could be perfect.

**Lenne…**

"Tidus…" I say while pacing back and forth throughout the kitchen, "Get out."

He bites his bottom lip and squints his eyes, "No."

Shuyin makes a feeble attempt to step between our dagger-shooting glares, "Maybe you should rest, I don't agree with what has been happening, but Lenne does have her reasons."

"Lenne, I am going to stay here until Yuna comes back."

"Tidus you can see her tomorrow, the dress fitting is tomorrow."

"No. Call her now." He crosses his arms and begins looking through the fridge, settling on a beer, because of the arising tension everyone had gone home. Tidus and me have been arguing like this non-stop for nearly five hours.

"Tidus do you know how late it is?" Shuyin attempts once again, "I'll make sure to tell you if she calls or anything but you look like crap man."

"Why do you think that is?" he says sarcastically, "I've been worried sick about my best friend for months!" he steps away from both of us and Shuyin takes a step forward.

"Ti, we all have been! We all feel so bad for everything, seriously… but don't go acting like you're the only person she matters to…" his words were greeted by a shove as Tidus steps further back.

"You don't get it, she's everything to me."

"Bullshit." I say while walking back into the living room. Tidus soon follows but Shuyin remains pressed up against the counter.

"Lenne so help me…" he threatens.

I look at him sharply, "Or what?"

"I miss her. I miss her so much…" he pleads. He wants the number but there was no way in hell he's going to get it.

Shuyin comes to join us, he's was carrying the receiver and the look on his face is of worry, "Lenne… I think its Yuna again."

"Give me that." Tidus makes a grab for the phone but Shuyin tosses it to me in the nick of time.

I put the receiver to my ear and ignore Tidus' glare, "Yuna?"

"Lenne…" she says between sobs, "I need you to come and get me."

"Baby are you okay?" as I say the words Tidus grabs the receiver.

"Yuna its Tidus… what's wrong?" he says sharply, his face turns cold and I could only guess what she had told him, for he hands me the phone a second later, "she doesn't want to hear from me."

"Yuna... I'm sorry its just he overheard us talking earlier…."

"That's okay." Her voice is weak, "I need you to send someone to pick me up… I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." I say slowly, "Where are you?"

"I'm not far, I'm on Lenore drive. My car broke down."

"I told you a million times that that beast wasn't trust worthy." I chid her, but at the mention of _beast_ Tidus looks at me like he wants to grab the phone again.

"Its no big deal… just come and get me okay?"

"Of course Yuna. I'll be there soon."

"Beast?" Tidus asks, "Were you two talking about her date-person-guy thing that you helped her get ready for."

I laugh bitterly at his jealousy, "Her car."

"I don't believe you." He says as he narrows his eyes.

"It doesn't matter, I'll be back soon."

**Tidus…**

It seemed like forever… but it was less than an hour. I took the opportunity to shower and change into some of Shuyin's slacks. I don't want to look like the slob I had been for the past while; I want to look like that boy Yuna had always loved. I want her to love me again… I know if she could give me another chance I wouldn't disappoint her.

When they finally arrived Yuna is balancing on Lenne's shoulder, she's half asleep and a cut on her head looks half scabbed over but still manages to ooze blood. Her eyes connect with me and I step forward, taking her weight off of Lenne and into my hands. She wraps her arms loosely around my neck, not willing to accept whatever she has been through. Her face tells me she's sad… and scared. I can tell her car breaking down has not the worst event this night had held, not even close.

"Take her to the guest room Tidus, you know not to bug her with questions." Lenne speaks harshly, but I know she's was right. My questions will have to wait for tomorrow.


	7. But Lonliness Is All That Consumes Me

**But Loneliness Is All That Consumes Me Tonight…**

**A/n**: _Yes, I am diverting the storyline to make a more complicated situation for my characters. It wouldn't be very diverse if it was only about Tidus and Yuna's relationship, would it?_

_Credit for edit goes to MayaJade (Check out her work, she's my awesome friend)_

**Paine… **

"Paine, please?" he asks whilst I guiltily allow his eyes the time to examine my back. I shouldn't have trusted him.

I turn my head slowly, and as I open my mouth he pierces his, "I don't want to come between two of my closest friends and I don't care what's going through your head. Learn to keep _those_ feelings to yourself."

"You know this isn't about…"

"Stop, this isn't about us! That's what it's not about!" I sharply cut his sentence off as I push forward past him and head for my front door. I need my solitude.

"It _is_ about us. She doesn't love me you know?" his tone changes drastically, but I ignore it, "I want to be with you."

I slam the door and lock it. He can wait outside for all I care.

**Yuna… **

It smells so wonderful, sweet enticing _so_ wonderful… but this has to be a dream. Reality is much too bitter to allow me such a moment as this. I shouldn't be allowed to rest my chin in the crevice of his neck; I shouldn't be allowed golden bangs as they shadow his resting eyes.

Reality is back in the callused hands of the demon who rests, satisfied, in our apartment. He makes me want to cry, I feel… unsure, I feel scared. I don't know what happened. I don't know what he did… I don't know what I did… all I know is my head is aching and injured by a man who convinced me to give him, just one, chance.

His weight shifts and he draws me in closer as his arms flicker open, his lips connect with my nose before he rolls onto his back. He is shirtless and I can see all the godly ripples swimming around his torso, I can see the tattoo on his shoulder, but I can't see the look in his eyes. I don't want to look at him, I don't deserve to look at him, and so I grab a pillow and cradle it in my arms.

"Yuna," he softly begins, "I stayed up a long time last night… just thinking, you know?" He looks at me and I nod, grasping on even tighter to the pillow that covers my trembling lips, "You probably think I want to know the entire why's, the how's, as well as the what's the when's, the who's, but all I can ask of you right now is to listen when I tell you how sorry I am. I missed you, _so_ much."

My head screams no. This is just a game, right? He can't be saying these words to me… Now it's _too_ late, I don't think I could ever be as devoted to him as I was before I left. Everything has changed, and I cannot sit here and try to listen to these words. He speaks so sincerely though…But I know beneath his act he doesn't mean a word.

"Yuna." He sits up, first pulling the pillow away from my grasp, and then pulling me up. He takes my chin in his hand, he forces me to look at him, "I didn't think I could ever love you."

No, my head screams. No, no, no.

"I think that all along… maybe I always did. I know we have something, but it would be unfair of me to ask you to accept what I'm saying. I know you've gone through something. If you don't want to tell me about it, fine… but I want you to know that when ever you're ready to give me another chance… whether that be now or never…"

"Tidus," I interrupt, "Don't."

His eyes sink in a self-loathing glance, "I guess just by telling you…"

"No Tidus that's not it…" I say as I creep to the edge of the bed, "I just need to be left alone for awhile, I would explain what's going through my head if I could, you know that… but you're right, I can't accept what you're saying, I can't absorb it right now. I don't even know most of what's happened in the past while… this is all just a little too traumatic."

Stepping off the bed and onto the cushion-soft carpeting, I follow the trail of askew clothing into the bathroom where I close and lock the door. The mirror haunts me; it forces me to look into a dirty reflection, this wasn't what I saw just hours ago, I liked my reflection then, I loath myself now.

I step into the shower and hot water begins flowing down my body, it smothers me and tames my wild, unruly hair. It washes away the traces of makeup that remained one of the last reminders of the night before, but as I dipped my head further beneath the current, it all comes streaming back. I begin to realize exactly what had happened.

I remember a struggle. I make a grab for the shampoo and start lathering.

Focus on forgetting.

I remember my head hitting the side of an end table and his weight suppressing me. Rinse, just forget.

I remember little bits of black and white, him removing my dress… _the couch_… **_the bed_**. I reach for the soap but it slips from my hands, they're shaking, I'm shaking… I'm crying and my body aches for this to stop.

Stop… _please_ stop.

The tears mix with the waterfall as I slide down the wall and onto the ground.

What do I do now?

Turn off the water. _Don't think_.

Grab a towel. _Wipe your eyes_.

Step into the room and find clothes, go back to the bathroom. _Change_.

I didn't want to think. I just had to function the only way I knew how… later today I would have to tell someone, Lenne. She would help me. I'd have to go to the officials… I'd have to talk to an officer, I can't imagine telling anyone, I just don't think I'd have it in me. I want to keep it to myself, I don't want people to look at me like I'm broken… or think that I must have lead him on. I don't want people to look at me and see something ugly.

I wish it was just a dream, but that's not possible. The injury on my head, _the memories_, and the feel of his body beside my own as I woke up this morning, it's just all too real to forget.

"Yuna… are you okay?" Tidus' voice is accompanied by a light knock on the door.

I go to open it; his azure eyes come face to face with my own bi-colored orbs "I really need to see Lenne."

"Is it important?" he asked quietly, his head drifting slightly to one side, "I don't think she took her cell…"

"Where?"

"She and Shuyin are going for a day at the spa together before their wedding… I told her I'd stay and look after you, she was really worried…" he said slowly, "Why do you need to talk to her? I know I shouldn't…"

I need to tell someone, and I need to do it now. I need to go to the cops… and I need to tell them what I had been through, but I don't want to do any of that, but I have to. For a second I imagine the look on Tidus' face, _repulsed_… he'd never talk to me again, but as long as he didn't know why…

"Tidus I need a ride."

"Are you leaving again?" He asks taking a step towards me.

"I need to talk to…" I stop and bite my lip, "An officer." I conclude as my eyes connect with his shoes.

"I'll take you where ever you need to go, Yuna." He draws away, "I'll meet you in the living room you might want to continue drying your hair, or else you might get a cold and I just don't want to get sick"

"I'll be out in ten minutes." I smile with the last of my effort and pull him into a hug. I just needed, for a second, to feel him close to me.

"Okay, I'll see you in ten then." He walks away and I quietly shut the door, dry my hair, apply some makeup, and take a deep breath before meeting him.

This type of thing they had privacy agreements on, didn't they?

**Tidus…**

Without so many words as the truth would hold, I think I already know what happened. Did she think I wouldn't find out? She asks me to take her to the police office, then we have to stop at the hospital, she goes in gets some tests or something done… how stupid would I have to be to not know?

She was raped.

How can I ask her… or should I even? This is her business… her life. I think she's made it clear enough that she doesn't want me involved in it. If I do something rash… I might drive her away. I don't want to do that, even if she won't fill the emptiness within my open arms… she's still here.

The white door creeks open and a doctor escorts Yuna back to me. Her eyes are a little red, though she smiles at me. I extend my hand and she helps me up.

"So… what's the diagnosis doc?" I ask and stuff my hands into my pockets, though my profession is blitzball I can be a pretty good actor, and right now I'm hoping that someone will mess up and "accidentally" fill me in.

"Well she has a concussion, and she needed just a few stitches." He smiles and pats Yuna on the back, "Just make sure you check up on her frequently. I will warn you, however, it is normal for someone experiencing a severe concussion to feel overly emotional for awhile and unexplained depression may even occur, but I don't think that will happen in this case, though it's a class three head injury it's not as bad as some of the concussions I've seen in my day." He chuckles and his white brows move with the bob of his head briefly before he turns to leave us alone.

"What do you want to do now Yuna, any stops?" I ask her, I try to sound cheerful… happy to have her back, you know?

"I-uhm… I don't know." She says rubbing at the bandage on her temple briefly before snapping her hand back down to her side where she interlocks her fingers as she nervously bites on her plump, pink, bottom lip.

"Oh-kay then…" I bask in the awkward silence that settles between us, "So… how about we just hang out at my place?"

"Well… I… Tidus I would really like to be alone for awhile." she says with nervous twinges icing her voice. I couldn't help but feel a little hurt.

I shake my head and continue my charade, "Can't do, you got a concussion, you need someone to look after you, take care of you, baby you… how bout I show you how good of a mother I can be?"

She laughs and my smile brightens into something genuine, "Oh fine, just as long as you promise to make me chicken noodle soup."

"Will do." I smile and wrap her in a hug, I assume she needs it more than I do, however I want it more than she could imagine.


	8. I'm Not Going To Fight The Dark

**I'm Not Going To Fight The Dark…**

**A/n: The current inspiration for the story is 'when doves cry'-prince, download it and tell me if you hear relation?**

**Paine…**

"So Yuna's coming right?" Rikku asks while fixing her makeup in the store's three-angle mirror, "I really miss her. Well... actually I'm not sure… I can't help but feel a little mad." She says in her usual matter-of-fact tone, I hate the way she gossips, it makes me wonder what kind of shit she's saying behind _my_ back.

"I think it might be better if you keep those feelings to yourself, Rikku." I reply icily.

"Well really… she's been off 'discovering herself' or whatever, and we've all been stuck taking care of Tidus. I was afraid he'd, like, kill himself or something. He was _so_ upset." She pauses and looks over to Lulu, "You agree right?"

Lulu raises a brow and turns towards her back to the blonde, "Let's just be happy she's here now."

"Oh speak of the devil, look you guys!" Rikku jumps up and starts pointing out the window towards Yuna, clad in snug black jeans and a white hooded zip-up. She had definitely lost a bit too much weight, even since the last time we saw her.

"Lenne's really glowing, isn't she?" Lulu smiles and I look over to the girl beside my lost friend, she was wearing a pair of tight jeans and maroon tank top, flaunting off her body, as usual.

"Hey, hey ladies!" Lenne shouts as she pushes open the doors and comes to give each of us a hug, "Do you know what today is?"

"Of course, it's your birthday!" Rikku smiles, "Oh, oh wait, maybe it's Christmas?"

"Very. Funny." Lenne rolls her eyes, "Tonight's the rehearsal dinner! Shuyin's mom is coming!"

Yuna twitches, "What?"

"Yeah." She pauses. "I didn't tell Shuyin but she contacted me a few months back, wanted to congratulate me on my record deal, well we got to talking… and apparently Shuyin hasn't contacted her for a long time! She didn't even know that we were getting married!" Lenne shakes her head with disbelief, "But she's coming into town on business anyway so she'll be here for the wedding."

"But what about Jecht?" Yuna asks, "Isn't he going to be there…?"

"Oh hell no!" Lenne looks at her with wide eyes, "Shuyin can't stand him."

"Why? I know Tidus had a problem with him but Shuyin and Jecht always got along pretty well, didn't they?" Yuna looks around the group and we all shift uncomfortably.

Rikku opens her mouth and slits her eyes, "Well maybe if you were here you'd know."

"Rikku!" Lulu glares at the blonde.

"It's true, if you want to run off then you shouldn't come back." Rikku turns on her heal and starts to walk towards the door, "I don't think I'll be at your wedding tomorrow, I believe I've caught a nasty flu." At that she walks straight out the door.

"I should go talk to her…" Yuna begins but Lenne shakes her head.

"Don't she's just being a bitch, her and Gippal have been having some problems and what not."

"But I don't want her to be mad at me."

Lulu places her hand on our friend's shoulder, "She'll get over with it. Now we better get to the dresses, hmm?"

"Lets!" Lenne cheers and starts towards the counter where a lady is ready to fetch us the selections Lenne had put on hold. "I'm sorry Yuna I didn't know your size so I ordered a four, but you look more like a two or three…"

"I'm sure it will fit fine." Yuna sighs and the lady hands us each a dress, red halters that came to just above the knee, with an under layer of amber fabric that fell two inches longer, and an amber sash for around our waists.

We begin to try on the dresses and for the most part they fit perfectly, except Yuna's. The seamstress starts hemming her length and taking in fabric, assuring her that it will be ready in an hour to pick up.

We all change out and wait for Lenne to show off, her dress is white, with a blue tint, with red and amber scraps hanging from just below the waist, she looked beautiful.

"I'll change… and then we can go shopping for tonight before picking everything up, okay?" Lenne smiles and we all nod.

A few moments later Lenne comes out of the dressing room and we all decide to head to the north Zanarkand shopping complex.

It doesn't take anyone very long to choose an outfit, I settle for dress pants and a blazer, while Lulu picks out a classic black-sleeved dress, Lenne chooses a blue halter-top dress, and Yuna decides on a simple black skirt and a red tank with thick straps and a square neckline.

"Do you need a ride home, Yuna?" Lulu offers but Yuna shakes her head, "I'm getting a ride with Tidus."

"But he's not even here!" Lenne says a bit too quickly, "You've been spending so much time with him over the last week…"

"I well… we're trying to fix our friendship."

"What do you mean by that?" Lenne asks with a voice coated in bitterness.

"It's stupid really…" Yuna shakes her head, "But I really do have to meet up with him in a few minutes, so I'll see you guy's tonight."

"Whatever." Lenne rolls her eyes and we all wave good-bye.

**Tidus…**

Yuna saunters towards my car. I lean across the passenger seat to open the door. She sinks into the maroon tinged leather and reaches for the belt as I start the engine and begin backing up.

"So." She speaks in a hushed tone, "Can I get ready at your place for tonight?"

"Sure."

I take a few left turns, followed by a right and get cut off by a jackass in a green ford station wagon. Who drives a green station wagon? It should be illegal or something, they're so ugly. I follow the last main highway before turning into the apartment complex where I currently reside.

I take notice of how her eyes glint as she shields them from the sun and looks up at the high-rise, it's like she's never seen a skyscraper before. "The view must be spectacular from the top."

"Yeah, well… it can get a little…"

She smiles at me and I loose track of what I was going to say, "When did you move in?"

"Right after Dona kicked me out."

She nods, "You speak much any more?"

"Not really…" I grab a few bags from the trunk and start walking towards the doors, "coming?"

"Oh, yeah." She laughs. I love the sound of her voice bubbling like that.

She shakes hands with my doorman and greets the lady at the front counter, I never understood how she could be so nice, and even now after everything that's happened to her she's still the friendliest girl I've met. I don't deserve her.

"What floor?" she asks. Her hand is at the ready to push whatever button I instruct.

"Penthouse."

"Oh…really?"

"Yes ma'am." I laugh, and she presses the button. It glows blue and the glass doors shut before the tube climbs up the black shoot to my apartment.

When we arrive the room is dark, all of my shades are closed, even though I have a spectacular view from the glass walls, I'd rather not look. All of the carpet is sliver and the curtains are midnight blue, while the furniture is ivory and dark wood. I didn't decorate it myself. If I did I would have chosen some better colors.

"It's a little neat for you Tidus." She screws up her mouth to the right side and clasps her hands behind her back. I love the way she does that.

"It's because I have a cleaning lady."

She looks back at me and smiles, "I thought so."

"So you want to watch a movie or something?"

"I guess…" She pauses, "Where's your TV?"

"I'll show you as soon as I find my remote."

"It's over there," she points to the end table and pauses before turning away, "So, what movie do you… you want to watch?"

The phone rings and I lift a finger to signal I'll be right back, before rushing over to my kitchen on the other side of the room, "Hello?" I ask.

"Hey, Tidus, it's Lenne."

"Yeah, I saw on the maestro, what do you want?"

"I need to talk to Yuna."

"Why?"

"It's none of your god-damned business Tidus."

"Bye." I hang up the receiver and look to see Yuna playing with the remote, suddenly the coffee table flips to become a bar and she jumps back in surprise.

"Yevon!" She exclaims before handing me the controller, "You do the technical stuff."

I press a button to turn the table back and press another so the TV comes down from the roof, "What movie shall we order?"

"You have pay per view?"

"Kind of… except it's more than just the new movies, we got all the classics too, _and_ it's free."

"You choose the movie then." She sits down on the couch and sheds her sweater, I can tell that she hasn't been eating healthily lately but I think it's best to remain quiet. It's probably just stress related.

"Something… scary?" I raise an eyebrow and she shakes her head, now peeling off her runners and rolling her jeans into capri's, showing off more skin. Why is she torturing me like this?

"You know I can't sit through a scary movie without…"

I smile, "Yes."

"Oh shut up." She throws a pillow at me and I catch it.

"Okay, we'll watch a romantic comedy." I tease in a singsong voice.

"Good." She smiles and as I sit down beside her so she can rest her head on my lap.

I brush her hair from over her temple. I want to kiss her _so_ bad right now, she just looks at me with those eyes, like she knows something really funny, but she's not allowed to tell.

"Are you going to start the movie?"

I slide behind her so my chest is resting snugly against her back, "This is more comfortable, is that okay?"

"Yes." She nods and I wrap my arm beneath her shoulder before starting the movie.

A comfortable silence settles between us as she watches. Eventually I can feel my eyes drooping but the motion of her body turning to face mine, chest to chest, wakes me up in more ways than one.

"Mmm, yes Yuna?"

"You're falling asleep?"

"Maybe..." I yawn and shrug, "So?"

"You're cute when you're sleepy."

"Shut-up." I laugh, "You're cute… uhm… all the time."

"Mhmm." She rolls her eyes, "I wanted to ask you a question."

"Go ahead."

"Could I stay here with you for awhile, I'll sleep on the couch."

"Yeah sure." I pause. "But what's wrong with Lenne's?"

"They're going on their honeymoon, and… I don't really like being alone."

I wrap my arms around her waste and press my forehead against hers, "Okay."

"So… if I got someone to drop my stuff off tonight…"

"I'll pick it up some time tomorrow. You can borrow a shirt or something tonight. Everyone will be to busy getting ready for the party to drive all the way over here." I said it half because it's true, and half because I want to see her dressed in one of my shirts.

"I guess I should go take my shower and start dressing, shouldn't I?"

I look at my watch and nod, "Yeah, do you have you're makeup?"

"It's all in my purse." She gets up and starts to pace towards the bathroom.

"Don't use all the hot water please." I call after her and she giggles. "What's so funny?"

"You have a remote control… everything, and you don't have a water heater?"

I smirk, seeing the humor behind her statement and shrug, "You win some you lose some."


	9. Cause Their Ain't No Victory

**Cause There Ain't No Victory…**

**Yuna…**

I don't like it. The way the wraps tightly around the curves of my torso, giving me ample cleavage, and I don't like the way the skirt is loose enough to be lifted by the slightest breeze, but short enough that if I don't sit down the right way I might accidentally show a bit too much off.

I feel like a whore, a no good dirty whore. Maybe that's all I'm good for… no one has ever really loved me, not Seymour, and not Tidus. Sure it seems like it, doesn't it? Like he cares… the way he's been chauffeuring me around. If he really knew he'd drop me like a piece of trash on the street. If I were still… heavy, he wouldn't give me a second glance. The only reason he wants me now is because he's seeing me in the wrong light.

It's like when you try on cloths and they look good until you take them home and realize it was just an illusion.

"Yuna, are you almost ready?" Tidus enters the guest room, his navy dress shirt rolled up to his elbows, black dress slacks, and his hair gelled but still messy as ever, he gives me that smile.

I love him so much.

"Mhm." I turn back to the mirror and take a look at my reflection. I wish I had a shall to hide my upper half. My hair is longer than last Christmas, coming just below my shoulders. I curled the ends and applied a little blush, mascara, light eye shadow to match my top, and a darker gloss.

"You look…" he stops and smiles, resting against the doorframe, I use to think that position was so sexy… but now I think of the way Seymour looked at me while standing, just like that, "Really good."

I suck in my bottom lip and reach for my purse, "Not to shabby yourself."

He laughs and approaches me and grabs my empty hands, "I have a proposition."

"Yes Tidus?"

He bites his lips and turns his head, "You know what, never mind."

"Just so you know, I phoned Shuyin to bring my stuff to the rehearsal." I look at him suspiciously, Shuyin had told me that Lenne tried calling but he had hung up. "Did Lenne call for me earlier?"

"Well yeah, but my phone cut out so I couldn't hear what she was saying." He shrugs and grabs my purse for me, "Shall we go?"

"I guess we shall." He takes my hand in his. I love the feel of his bare hand against mine. He usually wears leather gloves, even outside of blitzball.

* * *

The reception hall is decorated in gold and plum. Everything is so elaborate; I wish that someday my wedding would look this beautiful. However, I don't think marriage is in my future, I doubt a husband would have me.

"We're at…" Tidus looks down at his card, "Table one."

"With the bride, groom, and parents?" I ask skeptically, I'm not family.

"Well I guess so…" he shrugs, "Oh by the way did you know?" his eyes light up, "My mom is here!"

"Lenne told me earlier." I lend him a smile.

"I'm really exited to see her. Man, it's been too long." He shakes his head, "I'm going to go find her… but I'll meet up with you soon okay?"

I nod and watch as his back disappears into the crowd. The champagne is calling my name and who am _I_ to ignore it.

"What can I get you sweetie pie?" the bartender asks and I order a long island ice tea, "I d please?" she asks.

I shuffle through my purse and hand her my license, "How young do I look?"

"Don't take it too personally, hun," she hands back the card and pours my drink, "We're suppose to id anyone who looks under twenty five. Looking young isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I nod and walk my drink over to where my friends are standing around, discussing the wedding tomorrow, I bring the glass to my lips and take a sip.

"Yuna!" Lenne grabs my arm and I turn to look at her, "Uhm… can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Yeah, sure…" I let her lead me over to the food stand, "What's this about?"

"I got a phone call today, it was from the police department, they were looking to talk to you." I take another sip from my drink, "When I told them you weren't home they told me to make sure you got this message, the name you gave them doesn't exist."

"What?" I ask, suddenly shocked. Doesn't exist? I've seen it on his credit card, his driver's license, on the apartment papers, "That's impossible…"

"Why did you go to the police, Yuna, what happened?"

I finish off my drink and place it on a nearby banister, "I don't want to talk about it."

"You have to confide in someone, Yuna, what ever it is you know we're all you're friends and we want to help you."

"You can't Lenne."

She grits her teeth, "Who's Seymour Guado, Yuna."

"It's none of your business, Lenne…" I pause, "Enjoy you're party… stop worrying about me so much, I'm fine."

"Did you tell Tidus? Whatever it is, did you tell him?" I shake my head and she adverts her eyes, "Yuna, do you trust him more than me? Is that what this is?"

"Lenne, no… I just want to forget the last couple months; I don't want anyone to know what happened."

"It would make things so much better for you Yuna, if you could at least confide in me, please?"

"Let's go talk to the group, I'd like to catch up with everyone." I attempt to steer the subject.

"Okay, just remember that I'm always here for you Yuna."

"I know, Lenne." I give her a quick hug and we make our way back over to Gippal, Paine, Baralai, Lulu, Wakka, and their child. I wonder where Shuyin is, I haven't seen him all night.

"So Yuna, are you staying in sight for good now, or what?" Gippal asks with a smirk, "cause the next time you decide to go be sure to warn me, I'll pack you a lunch or something.

"Gippal, don't be such a bastard." Lenne glares at him.

I bite my bottom lip. He hates me just as much as Rikku, doesn't he? "I don't think I'll be taking off anytime soon."

"Good, cause we all missed you, girl." Wakka takes a sip from his beer, "when's the grub being served?"

"Oh, grub… now that sounds appetizing." Lulu rolls her eyes.

"So, anyone feel like dancing, I love this song!" Gippal bobs his head for effect,

_Stop holding on so tight, come on home with me… come home with me tonight._

"Sorry Gippal, I think I'll pass." Paine crosses her hands, and I take note of Baralai who has turned away from both of them.

"How bout' you, Yuna?"

"I don't think so, sorry Gippal maybe after another drink."

"Then let's get the lady another drink!" Gippal shouts and hails a server, "The lady could use a double, please."

"Right away sir. What's the poison, ma'am?"

"Bacardi, please."

"That 'a girl." Gippal laughs.

"So where's Tidus, I haven't seen him yet tonight?" Baralai asks, "Though, I suppose he's probably catching up with his mother."

"Bingo." Lenne smiles, "Shuyin was talking to her earlier, I was hoping he'd be a bit more exited…"

"Mom, I'm _sooo_ bored!" Vidina cries, "I wanna go, let me down!"

"Vidina, behave please." Lulu rocks him and looks back to Lenne with an apologetic glance, "I'm sorry, I'll be right back."

"Wait, Lulu… has Vidina met my niece Kali?"

"_Ew_, a girl?" Vidina raises his eyebrow.

"She's about your age, how about I take you to her and you guys can go dance or something."

"Girls are gross."

"She thinks boys are gross, so you'll have something in common." Lenne smiles and takes him away from Lulu, "I'll be right back."

"Okay." Lulu pauses, "Behave Vidina or else you'll be in trouble tomorrow!"

The waiter drops off my drink and I quickly polish it off, and with renewed confidence take Gippal's hand out to the dance floor, the song is slow, and the beat is soft, my head is a little fuzzy but that's okay.

**Tidus' Pov…**

My mother looks as beautiful as ever, barely a day over thirty, though we all know otherwise. But when I look across the room I smile inside, because I see a beauty even more gallant than my mothers, she stands there, a drink in her hand, her back straight, and her mouth curved up into a smile as she watches a child bug his mother.

Someday she'd be a wonderful mother, as wonderful a mother as a wife, I'm sure.

"Is that little Yuna that you're looking at?" my mother interrupts my thoughts.

"Yeah, she's something, isn't she?"

"It must be nice to be married to a woman you truly love." My mother laughs, and I scrunch my eyebrows.

"What? Yuna and I aren't…"

"You aren't?"

"No… no, you must be thinking about Dona, but we never ended up getting married…"

"Oh…" my mother smiles, "Well then are you and Yuna…"

"No." I shake my head sadly, "She's… we're both in different places right now, I don't want to pressure her into a relationship with me."

"Is she with that lad over there?" my mother points to Gippal who's leading her to the floor and I shake my head, "No?"

"No, he's married to Rikku, you remember Rikku?"

She smiles and nods, "Always a hyper little character."

"Still is, I haven't seen her yet tonight, though."

"Well that's to bad, now back to Yuna, tell me all about her."

"Mom… please." I laugh and resume watching her and Gippal, "I don't really know what there is to say."

"You know, I'm your mom, I'm supposed to be the one you ask about girls."

"Okay, well… riddle me this, how do I get someone to trust me when I've already broken their heart more than once?"

"Start by cutting in on their dance, you can take it from there."

I smirk at the lady, maybe she's right, maybe it should be my hand on the small of her back, and not Gippal's on her as… her ass? What the fuck does he think he's doing? He's married… to Yuna's cousin none the less! Why isn't she removing it?

"You're, right mom, I think I'll interrupt their party."

"Have fun, and be a gentleman." She ruffles my hair and I walk over to the happy couple, "Can I cut in?" I ask with a half smile that lets Gippal know if he refuses that I'll be kicking his ass later.

"Yeah, sure Tidus." He smiles and places Yuna into my arms. I can smell the alcohol which answers one of my questions.

However, she's not shit-faced, so luckily I don't have a reason to worry about her.

The song is all I have, a classic by Jennifer Lopez. It's moving through me like a well aged wine, and I am more than happy to be Yuna's pillar as she squeezes me tight.

Here perfume,

Her hair, her body,

Her movements,

She's one with me.

I want to make her mine, I want to tell her tonight, I want to tell her I love her like no one else ever will, and this is the real thing, me and her, together.

_Without me you'll be fine… right?_

The song courses and I move my shoulders to the beat, _so much time you wasted, that's why I had to replace you…_

_Stop playing, you gamin, I got to leave you alone…_

_All my pride is all I have_

_You'll be needing me but to bad_

_The path you choose to run along_

_Here with me you had a home…_

"Is it too late…?" I say out loud, though quiet enough that she doesn't acknowledge me, if she was sober I'd tell her right here and now how I feel, if she was sober this would be the perfect moment to confess how much she means to me.

But she's not… so I'll be content with her in my arms, as a _friend_.


	10. When Wedding Bells Ring

**When Wedding Bells Ring**

****

**A/N: **_This chapter took me a long time to write, when you get your heart smashed to peices it isn't exactly easy to write a romance. Here it is, andI edited it to **DEATH** and beyond, so you better like it! lol, Nah... just review honestly and I'll be happy._

* * *

She sings in the shower as I saunter around in my boxers, I hope that when she steps out she'll be pleasantly impressed. If I think my ass is great then she shouldn't have any complaints. I hear taps shut off and soon she steps out of the bathroom, water dripping from her forehead, over the bridge of her nose, and down her full lips. The effect I wanted to have on her was now gracing itself upon my … well… nether region.

"Hey…" she smiles at me while rummaging a hand through her damp hair.

"Uhm… hi…"

"I thought you'd be ready?" she turns to the dresser where I told her she could store her clothing. "We don't want to be late, Tidus, and knowing you you'll take forever trying to perfect that bed-head look."

"I'm sorry Yuna, but it's all natural. No need for jealousy."

"I can't help it Tidus, you're just so damn sexy." She rolls her eyes.

"You know Yuna…" I smirk, "I can give you a free lesson on the art of making sex hair, if you'd like?"

"I'll think about it, Tidus." She teases, still looking around for her formal attire.

"Your dress is in the spare room down the hall." I inform her.

She nods and leaves me alone in the room to recover from the effect her near-nude appearance has had. I swiftly pull on my black suit trousers, a little faded from press interviews, but perfect for a day like today, and then top it off with the remainder of my suit. I hate dressing up.

I grab my gel and start smoothing it through my tresses, paying special attention to adding body and defining the ends, to appear perfectly. Finally satisfied, I leave my room and decide to wait for Yuna in the kitchen, but to my surprise she's already waiting by my counter blending up our breakfast.

"Tidus, can you drop me off at the mall to get my hair done with the girls?" Yuna asks, handing me a smoothie.

"Sure," I smile, and she kisses me on the cheek, leaving a small patch to tingle with the heat of her freshly glossed lips, "I think you missed…" I suggest with a wink.

"What?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Right here." I tap my bottom lip.

"Don't tease me Tidus. I just might." She remarks in a bitter tone, "and you wouldn't want that, would you?"

"You never know, sweetie." I look at her, this would be another one of those perfect moments, but instead of kissing her like I want to, I turn and grab my coat, "Shall we go?"

* * *

A tinted blue window separates us. Behind it she sits on a stylish green salon chair and stares miserably at her reflection. I wish I could see her smile for once.

"Tidus! Oh my god it's you!" I turn suddenly, giving me just enough time to watch as a blubbering brunette bowls into me, knocking me softly to the ground. I open my eyes to see hers crinkled with laughter, she looks at me and they widen, "Say something you jerk!" she laughs before picking herself up and offering me a hand.

"Wow, Adrianna…" I brush myself off while taking a glance back to the window where Yuna is turned and conversing with Lulu.

"So, what's up with you, handsome?" she smiles flirtatiously.

"Not much, just waiting for my friend to finish getting her hair done up."

"Well, that's cool. You're going to Lenne and Shuyin's wedding, right? I heard they were getting married, that's so great, isn't it? They're so perfect together… kind of like me and you were..."

'_Yeah, until you cheated on me, got pregnant and broke my heart into a million fucking pieces_.' Is what I want to say, but instead I just smile and shrug.

"So…" she pauses, biting her bottom lip. "Carmon's second birthday is coming up in a few months, maybe you'd like to come join in the celebration?"

"I don't knowAnnie..."

She pouts her lips and looks to the roof, "Tidus, you promised we'd be friends but you haven't even called me!"

"Hey!" I brush her arms gently, "don't do that… I'll come, okay? Just don't start to cry."

"Oh my god! Really?" she wraps me in a tight hug and kisses me in a little too affectionately on the lips, "I'll call you with the information." She checks her watch, and bites her bottom lip, "but I have to go! Have fun at the wedding tonight!" she waves and begins moving back to her group of friends.

My face heats up. It's weird how after two years apart she still has the same effect on me. Back in the day I really did love her, but she's not the woman that I want to be with now. She's not a committed person, and if I want to fall in love with someone, I want it to last forever.

* * *

**Yuna.**

My beautiful best friend says her vows as I stand in stationary position by her side. She confesses her love to a man I know will treat her right until the end of time, I only wish I could find this sort of connection, the kind that will last forever. Once I thought that I would, with Tidus, but seeing his lips pressed against Adrianna's through the blue wash of the salon window had assured me otherwise.

I don't see how Tidus still has the heart to puppeteer my emotions the way he does. I've been here for him and he has used me over and over again. Seeing him and Adrianna kiss was the last straw. I thought I really meant something to him this time around…

The papers are passed from Shuyin to Lenne. They interlock their fingers and smile before kissing each other in newfound marital bliss. The flower girl begins her journey down the isle and we follow in queue.

When we get to the reception the band immediately begins playing their song as they step to the floor for the first dance. Soon the wedding party joins. In Tidus' arms I dance between heaven and hell with relapsing steps.

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to feel like he is the only man that will ever make me happy. For a moment I consider running, though I know from past experiences it's not possible to run forever. Why does he feel like this is okay? How can he just look at me with eyes that appear so innocent, even after kissing her the way he did?

She hated me, I despised her, she made my life a living hell, and he never said a word to defend me. I can't believe he's gone back to her but still continues to belittle me into believing we have a chance at being together, how could that be possible now?

Through all of the anger, I cannot deny that I still believe he cares about me. There is something in the way he looks at me when we dance, and this morning, when I felt like he would never take another chance on me, there was a moment where I could feel things between us changing.

"This place is beautiful, isn't it Yuna?" he smiles and I look up in hesitation, these are the first words he has said to me since the beginning of our dance.

I nod, "Yes."

His smile is an ample reply as we continue to dance until the song fades out and I break away from his hold. I head towards where a group of high school acquaintances are sitting and chatting pleasantly.

"Where are you going…?" I force his voice to the back of my head as I greet them with a smile.

"Yuna?" Lucil gasps followed by Elma's echo, "Wow, I haven't seen you since… when was it? Oh yes, that summer in the Bevelle! You've changed a lot!"

"Thank you" I smile.

"That's not necessarily a good thing, you look so much skinnier!" Shelinda claws her way into the conversation.

"Oh don't listen to her I think you look great. What diet are you on…?" Lucil cuts in again.

"Hello girls." I hear Tidus' voice and feel his hand falling gently around my shoulders, his warm skin touching the nape of my neck. I shiver.

"Tidus!" they all squeal.

"Are you with each other or something?" Shelinda gawks, "I remember you had such a big crush on him in high school…" she laughs, "And then when everyone found out we bugged you about it forever! I mean, back then you didn't have a chance in hell with a man like Ti."

"Thanks for reminding me." I back away from Tidus' hold. "I'll see you all in a bit. I have to use the bathroom."

I turn to head straight for the bar, but unfortunately Lenne's hook catches hold of my arm midway, "Yuna! Are you having fun?" she asks.

"Of course!" I smile and give her a hug, "Congratulations, by the way!"

"Oh thank you, hun!" she grins, "I'm just so exited for the honeymoon… I doubt we'll be getting out of bed all weekend!" she laughs.

"Just use protection, Lenne." I joke, half-serious.

Lenne shakes her head, "Well, I'm glad you're having a good time, but I'll have to talk to you later, if that's alright, I have to check with the caterer."

"It's okay." I assure her as she moves past me towards the kitchen.

I take this opportunity to find my way to the bar and order a double scotch, neat. The bartender takes his sweat time in pouring my drink before handing it to me.

I allow the drink to sit for a second on my tongue before swallowing, succumbing to the comfort of a familiar burn that soon will assure me: when you're down and hopeless, you can still feel great.

"Hey, can I buy you the next round?" a timid voice asks from the background, I turn to see Rikku standing behind me with a mousey grin painted across her rouge lips.

"It's a free bar, Rikku."

"It's an expression, you drunk." She rolls her eyes, "So… I just sort of wanted to apologize."

"It's okay Rikku… I'm sorry for leaving, if that's any compensation." She gives me a faint smile before sitting beside me.

"You just weren't ready to depend on all of us, and it must have been overwhelming and…" she pauses, "I think I was most upset because I had thought we were working things out. I was really trying, you know?"

"I know, Rik."

"Well then can we just look past this little lapse of judgment and be friends?"

"I suppose." I smile and finish up my drink, "I could use another..." I look at the bartender's nametag, "Gerald…"

"And get me a Cosmo, please?"

"Yes ladies, one moment."

"So… Yuna… you know what I'm going to ask you next, don't you?" Rikku turns to me with a devilish smirk, "You and …"

"I don't want to talk about Tidus."

"Oh come on, just divulge a little?"

"Nothings going on."

"Bullshit." She smirks. "Come on, you're staying at his place… have you guys hooked up?"

I look from side to side, trying to give her the impression that I really have something to say, "If you promise not to tell anyone…"

"Swear to god!"

"Well last night…"

"Last night what?"

"Nothing happened." I lean back in my to watch her glare.

"Jerk."

"Your drinks, ladies?"

"Thanks Gerald." We reply in unison.

Rikku leans in closer to me, "Do you think he's kind of cute?"

"Tidus?" I whisper back.

"No the bartender… go home with him… play a little mind game with your man, it'll turn him into putty in your hands."

"Rikku please, I don't want to play games."

"Well if you don't I will!" she laughs.

"Your married!"

"Barely, me and Gippal are definitely on the rocks. Besides, I think he's cheating on me!"

"With who?"

"I don't know, but he ALWAYS stays late at work, and flirts with everyone… and I'm sick of it!" she takes a shot of her drink, "I'm almost ready to call it quits."

"Oh come on Rikku, why don't you recommend counseling?"

"Gippal doesn't think we have a problem."

I sigh and join her for another swig of our drinks, "I always thought you two were so happy?"

"We were…" she sighs, "This wedding is so depressing."

"Tell me about it." I roll my eyes, "I think we should boycott weddings, and men…and really beautiful woman who take our men!"

"He-rah!" she laughs and clinks her glass against mine, "I'm getting kind of tipsy, you?"

"A little bit past that stage, dear."

**

* * *

**

**Tidus.**

I consider going over there, joining her for a drink, hopefully getting to the bottom of this tangled mess she's somehow weaved me into, but I reconsider. Yuna has made it quite clear that she wants me nowhere around, and I have no idea why! What the hell did I do?

Never mind what I did, what do I do now? Do I ignore her, make her think I'm hurt, approach her, act like nothings happened. I know I should choose the third option: approaching her, but she's drunk, and if you know Yuna like I know Yuna, she can be a really mean drunk.

An unfair, unjust, unreasonable…violent drunk.

And I do not feel like having myself, or any particular part of myself, torn to pieces at this moment. Besides, it's a wedding and we're supposed to be happy and celebrate. Fighting with her would just bring the whole party crashing down.

And we don't want that, _do we_?

"Hey Ti, the buffet is up! Get your place in line before it's all gone, ya?" Wakka pats me on the back and I turn to my left to see the food glistening below the buttery yellow lights and looking more delicious than my winning shot in last night's game.

I take my place in line, grab my food and sit down right next to Yuna at the head table, "Hey." I say, she looks at me.

"Hiya neighbor." She glares, "Tidus. Hi, Tidus."

She's drunker than I thought, but I refuse the urge to laugh, "Are you still pissed at me Yuna…?" I take a bite of my chicken.

"How do you know I'm…. pissed at yoo?"

"You've been ignoring me all night, Yuna."

"No, I have not." she laughs, "You're a funny girl, Tidus."

"No seriously, just tell me why you're mad, what did I do?" I say, trying to be sincere, while ignoring the girl comment.

"You… you…." She stops, "I can't tell you, I'm drunk."

"Well than how are we supposed to fix this and be friends?" I say slowly.

"I'm going for a walk." She gets up and I impulsively grab her wrist, "eat Yuna… you need to eat something."

"Fuck off", she hisses. "People begin to turn their attention, so I let go of her wrist and allow her to stumble down the room and into the kitchen.

**

* * *

**

**Yuna.**

I am… really…hungry. Very hungry. Very, very drunk. And hungry. I'm hungry too. But I can't go eat, I can't go back into that room because Tidus is there, and he'll tell me I'm drunk and I don't want anyone to tell me what I am and am not! I am not drunk! I am sober and I feel fine…

"Miss?" the head chef touches my shoulder, "If you're looking for the bathroom…"

"I'm actually looking for the food room." I say, sounding quite distinguished, and might I add, sober.

"The dining room…"

"The food room. Could you fix me a plate, please sir?"

"Well if you just go into the other room over there…" he points towards the entrance where I came in. "There is a buffet, and you can go fix it yourself."

"But I don't want to. So you do it." I wrap the chubby little man in a hug, I love chubby people, I was a chubby person… well I was a fat person, but I love fat and chubby people, they are beautiful. "Please?"

A blush appears on his pumpkin-like features, "Well I suppose, just stay right here miss." He remarks before heading towards the entrance.

I faintly hear him mumble something about it being better I stay in here instead of ruining the wedding. I decidedly hate chubby little men.

I decidedly hate all men.

A minute passes and I find myself sitting at a counter attempting to play poker with a few of the servers when finally my chubby man friend returns with the food, it looks delicious. Mashed potatoes with honey brown gravy, a chicken wing, peas and carrots, and another glass champagne.

I grab the champagne first.

I decide I'm not hungry. I eat anyways, at least a little bit.

"So, why don't you want to be with all your friends out there?" one of my poker buddies ask.

"Because they don't like me…" I say quietly, and it's true, they don't. "Tidus doesn't like me either… he likes Adrianna, he kissed Adriana. He never kissed me."

"I'd kiss you." Another one winks, and I thank him with a kiss on the cheek.

"You're my bestest friend."

"Well, you're my bestest friend too, little lady."

"I think it's time the little lady comes home… hmm?" I turn around to see Tidus looking over me, an angry expression on his tired features, "Come on Yuna…"

"No… I want to go for a walk." I say, pushing back my chair. "Alone."

"Yuna…please…" I can hear his voice, but I ignore it. There is a door to the back alley and I decide to take it.

He follows me and the door booms behind his footsteps, "Yuna, why are you mad?"

"I'm upset. Not mad."

"You're angry and your hurt and you're not telling anyone what's going on… let me be here for you, please!"

"Why don't you go be there for Adrianna… I saw you kiss her."

He pauses, his breath becoming stale as it falls into the air in clouds, it must be cold out, but I can't really tell, "She kissed me, it was one-sided. I swear."

"You love her."

"Loved."

"No… don't lie to me." I say, turning to face him, "Love."

"Don't lie to me, Yuna…"

"I am not lying."

"This isn't about me and Adrianna, is it? Not really… this is about you and what you've been going through, you haven't been eating, you haven't got any sleep… I heard crying last night at four am. I know what happened Yuna, I want to help."

"Nothing happened." I pierce my jaw, hoping to god he's bluffing.

"Yuna… don't pretend that it's all okay, because I know it's not. Just let me be here…" he removes his jacket and wraps it around my shoulders.

"I don't need your help… or your jacket. Maybe Adrianna will want your jacket." I say, while trying to take it off.

"Yuna…" he wraps his arms around my waist, "You're shivering… is it because of the cold… or something else?"

I back away until I reach the brick wall, "The cold."

He smirks and walks up to me, placing a hand above my left shoulder, and the other by my waist, "don't lie to me Yuna… I don't like it when you lie."

I bite my lip. I hold my breath. He's completely and utterly right, but I don't want him to know that, I don't want him to know anything… but he knows everything. How does he know everything?

"I'm not…" I pause, "I'm not lying."

"Come on…" he grabs my hand and leads me towards the parking lot. "It's cold outside, I want to see if you're still shivering when we get home."


	11. And no one’s in sight

**And no one's in sight**

**A/N: **I'm so drunk right now but here is your update, because I'm nice like that, and Bacardi inspires me. I'm having a hard time with my new story anyways. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm writing this while a little… well you know.

**Finally**

Tears that seep from the skin, instead of her eyes

Legs _entangled_,

Our hearts beating in separate **furious** paces

Kisses dragging on forever,

_Almost _**silent** sounds escaping

Within the passion, where a spark has given way to a wildfire

Flourishing between the spaces of,

Skin on skin, lip to lip.

**Yuna.**

Bang. Bang. Bang. A hangover bombards the walls of my head as I sit up in bed. The light crashing through his windows stings against my half closed eyes. I take skeptical note of the shirt hanging from my shoulders and notice it's the same one Tidus wore last night…

I know something happened… I know we talked in the alley, and I know he kissed me, maybe more than once. But did… did that happen? Did we? No… we couldn't have. Tidus wasn't drunk; he wouldn't have let me take it that far.

There's a knock on the door and he comes in, wearing a pair of pajama pants and a goofy grin, "G'mornin hun." He kisses me. "I brought you eggs, bacon, toast and orange juice."

"Thanks." I smile, "But you didn't have to make anything…"

"No, you've gotten too skinny." He kisses my forehead, "So eat up."

I shoot a wry smile at him before taking the fork from his hands and placing a piece of scrabbled egg in my mouth, "Happy?"

"Very." He kisses me again, "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be back to make sure you've eaten it all."

"Don't you trust me?" I ask as my smile turns into a lopsided grin.

"You're the only person in the world." He smiles, "Be back in a few."

He leaves and I can't help but smile, despite the sense of nausea has that has overcome my senses just looking down at the plate and poking at his feeble attempt at being a cook.

A loud ring echoes through the apartment and I get up to open the door where Rikku is standing with a sour look on her face and an over packed suitcase in her hand, "Nice shirt." she quips.

I pull it tighter around my chest, "Rikku what are you doing here."

"Moving in."

"Oh…" I say turning my head towards the bathroom, "Does Tidus know about this?"

"Not yet." She says, collapsing upon his couch, "I hate men. I hate Gippal specifically, but seeing as all men are the same, I hate men."

"Hun…" I say, sitting next to her, "What happened between you two?"

"Can we just leave it at we're over?"

"No…" I gasp, "Rikku, are you sure… I mean you two seemed so happy together…"

"Well he'd be happier with her."

"Her?" I ask darkly, raising my eyebrow, "Her who Rikku?" She looks at me and pauses as Tidus comes through the bathroom door, a grin on his face and a very, very, tiny towel around his waist.

"Did you eat it all…." He stops, "Hey Rikku…" he wraps the towel tighter and grins sheepishly, "What brings you and your... suitcase here?"

"I'm moving in with you guys." She pauses, "that's okay isn't it?"

"I only have two rooms."

"I'll share one with Yunie." She smiles, "Unless the two of you would like to share a room…?"

"Actually…" Tidus begins but I shoot him a scowl, "Yeah, I guess the two of you could fit into that room… but why?"

"Long story" I reply, "Gippal's an ass."

"Hmm, troubles in paradise?"

Rikku shoot's us both a scowl, "Where should I put my bag, Tidus?"

"In Yuna's room." He replies before she storms off down the hall.

"Well…" he looks at me shyly, "I guess that puts a damper on our situation."

"Oh?" I ask, "What exactly is our _situation_?"

"From my point of view…" he pulls me up off the couch, and into him, "I think it is a very good situation."

"Oh?"

"Mmm…" he hums into my ear, "Yuna, last night…"

"Could you guys cut it out!" Rikku scowls from the hallway, "I won't be able to keep breakfast down."

"Sorry Rik." Tidus scowls, "I'll go get changed."

I frown and turn back to my friend and cousin, half grateful and half bitter. I didn't want to rush things with Tidus, but why did she have to ruin the moment…? My mind races, I don't know what to think anymore I love Tidus, I love being in his arms and in his bed, and having his arms around me… I love it all, but I'm not willing to give up my heart and have it thrown back. How much am I willing to risk for a chance to be with him?

* * *

**Gippal. **

A beer in my hand, sports on the TV. An empty silence echoing throughout the house. One drunken night, one stupid, stupid mistake. Too many beers and too many spilled secrets. I risked everything I loved for a chance to have something I'm not even sure I even want. Paine, god, from day one she's been there for me, but I hurt her, and she'll never forget, yet I'm not sure I can accept being with a second place prize.

The doorbell rings and I ignore it. It rings again and again, and then the ringing stops or maybe it was just in my head, I'm not sure, I'm drunk. I hear a slam and turn around to see my buddy, Tidus, "Gippal." His voice is static.

"Yo." I solute him before taking another swig of my brewski

He takes it from my hands, taking a swig and sitting right beside me, "What the hell man, what did you do?"

"Nuthin."

"What did you do?" he asks again, his eyebrows as high as my bloods alcohol content.

"Blame it on Paine." I pause, "Freeking… why do my teams always freeking loose?"

"Do you even know what you're watching?"

"No, but someone just scored a goal on my team."

"What happened with Paine, Gippal…?"

"I kissed her and she slapped me and then Rikku slapped me and then I went for a walk and when I got home Rikku was not."

"She's at my place, with Yuna right now, I was hoping you'd go get her and bring her home?"

"Yeah…no." I laugh, not really all that eager to be bitched out by my wife, ex wife… something or another. "I should just send her the divorce papers, end this whole mess, I don't know where my head is. I have no clue what I want…"

"You want you're wife." He pauses, "Now call her Gippal, I need some privacy with yuna."

"Oh?" I smile cockily, "So…"

"Yes."

"what exactly happened last night between the two of you? All I know is you left together."

Tidus laughs, "Well… we were both kind of drunk, but I don't regret it, and that's all I'm saying."

"Hmm…" I grab my beer from him, "Interesting, interesting… was she good?"

"Was she… Gippal, shut up!" He laughs, embarrassed, "That's none of you're business."

"You two did it, didn't you?"

"Shit…" Tidus yelps, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cell, "Hey?"

"Yeah?" He pauses, "Yeah, look Yuna, it's about her kid's birthday, that's all."

"Adrianna?" I whisper, Tidus nods, "Is Rikku there, ask her if Rikku's there!"

"Yes, I still talk to her Yuna." He ignores my request, "Yeah, well no… okay, listen, is Rikku still there? No… well I'm with Gippal, yeah. I've tried to get him to call her, but I don' think he's going to. Ask her to call him…"

"No!" I interject, "Tell Rikku to send the papers!"

Tidus shoots me a glare, "No, he's drunk, I'll be home soon, we'll talk about this when I get there, is Rikku going to be gone all night? Good. See you soon hun…"

"Love you!" I laugh incisively as he flips his phone shut, "You're pussy whipped."

* * *

**Yuna. **

"Yuna?" Tidus calls my name from the entrance of his, our, apartment, "I'm back."

"Hey." I reply, leaning against the counter, "So… how's Gippal doing? You don't think they'll actually end things…?"

"No, no way." He pauses, kissing my cheek, "This morning Rikku interrupted us, but I want to talk to you…" he whispers into my ear. My heart races, "about last night…"

"Tidus, Adrianna called again." I turn away, pressing a button to replay her message.

"Hey babe, it's Addy! So…I'm not sure if that girl that answered your phone will actually pass this on, who is she anyways? Just don't forget about my babe's party. I was also wondering if you'd like to go out for dinner and a talk later this week? Anyways get back to me, love you!"

"Tidus?" I pause, trying to appear unaffected as he rubs his thumb and index fingers along his chin, "If you two are actually just friends, and that kiss didn't mean anything… and…"

He wraps his arms around my waist, "Would you like me to show you the kind of kiss that means something Yuna?"

I turn away from him, "Tidus…"

"Yuna last night we settled this, I want to be with you, didn't I make that clear enough?"

I force myself to look up at him, "I don't remember."


	12. The Angels Will Refuse You

**The Angels Will Refuse You**

**A/N: **Oh, look… I'm updating while sober… hmm. Maybe I've got my inspiration back after all. And I finally found a way to incorporate everyone's favorite temperamental oldie. (Maya, you better review.)

**Tidus' P.O.V**

Is it really possible Yuna could have forgotten? Sure we were both a little drunk, but not so much as to erase the memory… nothing would ever be that powerful. I had thought sex to be a bonus when with a girl, I had laughed whenever I heard the phrase "love making", it was fun but last night was a whole new ball game.

Every touch lit me on fire, I wanted to be with her, I wanted to hold her, to be held in her arms. I wanted the moment. I wanted her, I want her. I want to protect her and love her and maybe someday, if she'll have me, marry the woman. But now she looks at me like a scoundrel, her eyebrows knitted and confusion laced within the words I can tell she's dying to spit out.

Her shoulder's falter, and she looks away, is she starting to remember now? Did I betray her just as that vile creature had? No, no I love Yuna, something he'd never be able to understand, something until recently had been beyond the realm of my own conscious state of mind.

Her hand makes a weak attempt for my wrist, "What happ…" the sounds fall away, her lips still moving as she blinks away emotion.

"Baby, we sorted it out." I reply simply, "I told you that I want to be with you and that from here on out I promise I am going to start acting like it. I'm not going to play games anymore, Yuna… and that I know what happened while you were gone."

She let's out a pained cry and as she braces her hands on the counter wisps of hair fall upon her face, "I couldn't tell you, I'm an idiot, Tidus…"

"Yuna, the things that happened were beyond your control."

"I tried to hide it from you… and you're my best friend. I tri-tried to." She stops, ravaging through her tresses with shaking hands, "There was so much going through me Tidus, so much confusion… and it hasn't stopped. I've tried so hard to be with you, to make you want me back but here I am, standing right here in this kitchen, in _your_ kitchen wondering, now that you feel the same way, is it worth the risk?" She laughs, a mechanically stressed laugh, "And Seymour… Seymour made me feel like the lowest…"

"Yuna." I pull her against my chest, "I'm not asking you to forget about him and what he did. I know that you're hurting right now, I know that **I've hurt you** … I wanted to tell you what's been going through my head since you came back, but I didn't want to push you in that state. I still don't. I will be by your side as close as you'll allow me to stand and help you through this."

"But can I trust you?" she whispers against my chest. It nearly breaks my heart. I had done more than enough to deserve the comment, but I hadn't seen it coming.

"With your life." I whisper, pulling her to my chest, "I know you still think I'm in love with Adrianna, but even when we were together, what we had is nothing compared to what I can see us having. Yuna, I am going to prove to you, if that's what it comes to, that you are the most important person in my life." I kiss her forehead, "I love you."

**Yuna's P.O.V**

If it's not shocking enough that he was holding me in his arms, kissing me, telling me he loves me, he's doing it all after finding out the truth about what happened while I was away. I thought if he had known, he would've agreed with me, agreed that it was my fault, that I should have prevented it. I had thought he would be disgusted, but instead he wants to protect me… he wants to love _me_… he claims to be in love with me.

No one has ever been in love with me. I shake again, and as happy as I am right now I can't help it, I'm crying into his chest and he's holding onto me like no tomorrow, wiping the hair from my face kissing the tears away.

"Let me be with you." He whispers, running his hands through my hair, "I'm not going to force it on you; I'll take things as slow as you want me to…" Now we're crying together, his voice is shaking, my strong, confident, Tidus is crying.

My chest convulses, I want this so bad, I'm so scared… I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I just want to kiss him, make love to him, grow old with him. Every sappy story, song, movie, makes sense when you're in love, really in love. It becomes you. It becomes your story, the soundtrack to your life. He becomes your prince charming.

"Is this actually happening?" I break the sympathy of silent sobs and desperate caresses, "Can we make this work?"

"We won't just make this work." He replies, "We'll run the show, Yuna. This is true love, this isn't just settling down with someone who makes you happy… me and you make too much sense to be wrong."

"Just don't hurt me this time…" I reply, barely before his lips crash upon mine.

**Seymour's P.O.V**

The room is colder than I remember. As the sky outside begins to brighten I hear the wheels from a distance burn against the pavement. I move to part the cheap metal blinds, forcing my eyes to peer across the street where, waiting patiently for my arrival, Auron Higurashi, stirs calmly.

My hands sweat and shake with angry nerves, the man had agreed to my father's terms, but would he agree to my own? There is one way to find out, and that was to wait and see, to meet with the man and make a first hand assessment of his worth towards my immoral cause.

A minute passes, and he looks towards me. Behind the nod is his signal that he is ready to meet, ready to discuss our wager, to discuss a cost.

Upon arrival I extend my palm, he brushes it off with a scowl and the tip of his glasses, "I've talked to your father, Seymour."

"That name isn't necessary now. You know who I am." I reply coldly.

His head tips to the side, assessing me, "Very well than. I understand you've gotten yourself into some trouble?"

"That's not what you've been called here to discuss with me."

"I can't help if I'm slightly curious, sir."

"You do know what I request of you?"

"To follow the girl." He looks down upon the drink.

I shake my head, "That is not all."

"You wish to speak with her? You want me to find out her habits, which the people in her life are, their significance?"

"Specifically, the blonde blitzball player." I reply coolly, "I might request a word between the two of us before I choose to speak to her."

A second of silence passes through the air, I look at my watch hesitantly, "You will oblige?"

"I'll consider it, Seymour. I will consider it."

"That's all I ask, for now." I reply, "If you would excuse me, I have meetings to attend and a wife waiting."

"Give your father my best regards."

"I shall."

With the tip of his hat I am gone.


	13. And If You Try To Fight

**And If You Try To Fight**

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**A/n:**_I'm going to work on chapter fourteen today, yeah it's poorly edited and short, but I can't put too much in a chapter… I'm sorry but I'm really not a big fan fiction writer anymore, but I said I'd finish. I will finish, and then I'll probably edit it nicely, and then leave the site… or at least try to. Still please review, but if you're going to say something like "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, UPDATE OMGZ PLEASE, I CANT LIVE WITHOUT AN UPDATE LAWLOCAUST OMG ROFFLCOPPTER, DO IT NOW!" It's not actually going to make me want to type anything. I like reviews though, tell me what you think so far of the story, what you'd like to see happen, what you think of my writing in general..._

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**The disclaimer applies, par usual.**

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**Tidus' P.OV **

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Isn't the male supposed to be the late one? Not sitting at a table all by his lonesome, waiting for his date to arrive ten minutes, twenty minutes _half an hour_ late? I flip my phone open and catch another glimpse at the time, this isn't like her. Maybe she's gotten the restaurants confused? 

I hesitate before dialing seven familiar digits, "Rikku?"

"Hey, Tidus…" She replies, obviously distracted, "Oh shit… I forgot to call you didn't i? Yuna wanted me to say she's running late, she wasn't feeling too good when she got home from her interview."

"What's wrong?" I ask, furrowing my brow, she was fine this morning.

"Couldn't tell you. Sorry Tiddy."

I look up front to see Yuna in her gorgeous black dress and stiletto's asking the host for directions to my table, she looks stunning. "Thanks anyway, she's here now."

I briskly end the call before standing to pull Yuna's chair out for her, "You're late… I was worried."

She smiles weakly; I notice she looks a little pale, "I'm thinking I must've eaten something funny at lunch."

Well at least she's eating, I say to myself, "Well, maybe we should skip dinner…we could go home and watch a movie in bed?"

"I'm fine now." She squeezes my arm, "Don't worry."

I send her my best skeptic grin and kiss her hand, "So, this is our first official date, Yuna."

I notice a tinge of pink appearing at her cheeks, "I guess it is. Should I be nervous about making a good impression?"

"Looking as good as you do tonight, you really don't have to worry about anything other than keeping my hands away once we get home." I grin, "Just joking, of course." I mentally chide myself, feeling like an idiot, I need to remember to give her the space she needs.

To my relief she laughs, "Who say's you won't have the same problem?"

"Who say's it's a problem?" I kink my eyebrow.

"ehem." The waiter behind me clears his throat, "Wine?"

"No, no thank you…" Yuna replies, suddenly. "Well not for me, at least."

"I'm good, thank you, though." I say squeezing her hand beneath the table.

"I'm trying to stop drinking."

"Good." I reply, playing with my cutlery, "Shall we order?"

Dinner passes by slow and sweet, our small talk flowing seamlessly, her laughter echoing around me, yet her smile struggles to reach the corner of her eyes. Aren't you feeling this, haven't I said all the right things? What do I have to do to prompt you to grab my hand, what do I need to say to bring the light back to your eyes.

The walk to my car is cold, her hand is stiff in mine, I offer her my coat and she refuses, she say's the bite of cold air refreshes her.

"Rikku's going to look for apartments tomorrow." She remarks, while climbing into the passenger seat of my jag, "Maybe I should go with her…"

"Aren't you happy with me?" I ask, feeling the sting of what she hasn't quite said.

"I can't afford to pay half rent with you."

"I never asked you to pay anything, Yuna… I want you to stay with me. That's payment enough."

"I don't want to move too fast, you know?"

"Am I pressuring you?" I feel stupid again, wondering if my previous remark really was taken to heart.

"No, no Tidus that's not it!" She say's grabbing my hand, "Just forget it…"

"Yuna, you can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"I know, Tidus." She leans over to kiss my forehead, "I'm just a little worried for Rikku, being all on her own."

"Her and Gippal will work everything out, you'll see."

"I hope so…" She pauses, "Why would he cheat on her?"

"Alcohol, stupidity, there are a lot of reasons guy's cheat… there are a lot of reasons girls cheat… and sometimes it just happens without reason."

"She trusted him. They've been married for years, and he was willing to throw it all away..."

"Yuna…" I look at her, panicking in the passenger seat, "Are you worried something like that will happen with us? That if you do get to close… I'll mess up like he did? You've been cold tonight… is that why?"

"I trust you but sometimes I can't help it…"

"I'm not stupid enough to loose you again, Yuna." I say, pulling her in for a gentle kiss, she melts into it, kissing me back slowly, "I love you." I hum against the smooth curves of her neck, "I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know…" she says, taking my face in her hands, "It was just nerves… I just need to be reassured sometimes."

"If you want, I'll say it a million more times. I don't mind."

"Could I have a million more kisses, too?"

"That's what I was going to ask you." I say, pulling her closer, and onto my lap.

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**Lenne's P.O.V**

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I hate flying; I hate the tremors that seem to never end, I hate landing and watching everything get bigger, bigger, bigger, until the plane wheels clank against the strip. But I love Shuyin's hand squeezing mine, I love his kisses against my neck and I love the way he always seems to make everything just fine. 

"Baby we're home." He laughs, I hear the click of him unbuckling our seatbelts, "you can open your eyes now." My forehead warms with the touch of his kiss.

I peel one open and watch the grin on his face spread, he kisses me quickly, "Stop laughing!" I complain.

"You're too cute."

"I don't want to be cute."

"You're right; our first baby will be cute. You're sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, smart…"

I kiss him, "Stop trying to suck up. You don't have to win me over, I'm already yours."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep the romance alive…" he says, squeezing my hands.

"Mmm…" I kiss him, "Shuyin, I love you."

"Let's go home and you can show me how much."

"I guess the honey moon isn't over quite yet, huh?" I laugh and he pulls me after him into the isle, "Not that I have any complaints…" I kiss himagain , it's a mystery how we lasted an entire flight without heading for the restrooms.

Someone taps him on the shoulder, "Sir… I don't know about you but I'd like to get off the plane."

"Sorry…" I blush, "hun, let's go get our bags.

We race out of the plane, our faces hot with embarrassment, and other places hot for _other_ reasons. We reach the baggage pickup and I burry my head in his shoulder, "We're married."

"I know." He grins.

"I just wanted to remind you."

He kisses me, "You're cute."

"No I'm not!" I hit him playfully, "Our first baby will be cute…"

"And our second…"

"Perhaps our third"

"And our forth…"

"How many children are you planning on making me carry?"

"How many do you think you can pop out?"

"Sounds like we better get started soon, huh?" He laughs, kissing me again.

A man bumps into me and my weight is thrown against Shuyin as my purse falls to the ground, "Oh, ma'am I'm so sorry!" the man, older, with graying hair, vaguely familiar, bends down to help gather the contents.

"its fine" I say, smiling, as he hands back the purse.

"With the gain of age and wisdom comes the loss of vision, unfortunately." The man smiles at us, "Embrace your youth."

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**Seymour's P.O.V**

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The welcoming, and musky smell of home greets my nostrils as I step through the door and set down my luggage. The house is empty; my return will surely be a surprise. Dora, is easily surprised. I bought her and the kids, _our kid's_, gifts from Zanarkand. 

I remove my shoes and place them neatly into the closet before starting a tour of the house I haven't seen in nearly a year. New school portraits hang against the cold steel of our fridge. Clair has grown out her hair, dyed it a darker shade of brown, and David has an earring.

Neither of them looks much like their father. Clair is a perfect copy of my wife, with the same upturned, "who" nose, and almond shaped eyes in a shade of dark brown; the shade of her newly dyed tresses. David however, always has been tall and scrawny, with hair black but tinged blue, and a pair of dark, slit like eyes. He's inherited my high cheek bones and his mother's full lips.

I don't miss them, I don't know if I should… I don't feel a pang in my heart when I'm talking to her on the phone and lying about what I've done. It's the exact opposite, really, I wish they'd disappear. I wish she'd stop loving me, I wish they'd stop needing me. I wish I hadn't knocked the bitch up in high school… but we were young. Young minds flow with the blood.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, it's my father. I ignore it and continue pacing the halls of the three-story house. A beautiful structure, decorated with wood paneling, varnished a dark brown. The kitchen tiles are shades of green and our walls are painted maroon and a shade of dark purple with a name I can't quite pronounce. Dora was going for sophistication with a cold impression.

She has good taste; she's always needed the finest. She considered me the finest once… but long months away have changed things, altering a love barely there into my violent despise and her cold longing.


	14. Note to Readers, if any

I've been working on this story nearly two years, and although I have no intentions of quitting the work I've done, I also don't see any continuance for another couple weeks. This summer I'm plan to redux and edit my hands off until I'm satisfied. I like the plot, I like where I'm taking this… I just don't know if the story deserves to be read in its current condition. I started it two years ago and I believe I've changed my writing style drastically. Lately, unfortunately nothing I've written has been for fan fiction. You can look at my current works on fiction press under alias Jenna Mann. This story will be continued sometime in the summer. After this is completed I won't be writing here any longer. I'd rather develop my own characters than play around with someone else's.


	15. Reminder new version is up!

Just so you all know...

I've started redoing all this,

it's under the story: Raise Your Glass,

Yeah, check it out, and tell me which you like,

I'm not entirely sure if those who only have this story on alert know about that

it's quite a bit different, but I'm in the process of writing the third chapter now

so, hopefully you'll all like it.

My boyfriend, Cody, he's helped me with it a lot, so yeah, big thanks to him,

even though he probably won't read this...

and thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed so far,

seriously, it means a lot, I'm going to write something after I'm done here,

like a book...

in university I'll be studying literature and composition, I'm pretty excited, my dad is buying me a new car for being accepted too,

I guess I'm feeling pretty lucky and happy and stuff,

but back to the point, go read and review, please?


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